life is as such

JO! THANKS for your fb message PLUS tags (: glad that i talked to u cause it made me feel better. yup i'll TRY to dwell less on things and get some optimism from u. u too stress less okay?

ahhh if only i could do whatever i feel like doing.

like, go to bed and sleep when i'm super tired and already dozing off on my notes. and not feel guilty that i have not completed the chapters that i planned to revise. [ really miss those times when i could just sleep well throughout the night and not think about stuff on my bed ]

like, be anti-social and not go out with friends when i don't feel like it and just tell them "cause i don't feel like going anywhere". don't like the feeling of having to come out with excuses that i have something else on cause all i'll end up doing is to stay at home and have some quiet time with myself. [yes and i realised how much i like spending time with myself. had a morning walk after my 1st lesson ended yesterday. walked along lygon and grab my favourite hot cross bun from baker's delight. i felt kind of carefree (at least for a while)].

how i wish i won't feel guilty whenever i feel like i'm wasting time. its a horrible feelingggg :( i hate having to plan for the days ahead. like how i must study more today in case there are outings the next few days. it didn't used to be like that (before i came to melb). wonder what happened to me :( realised that whatever i talk about in here is somewhat related to study. but sometimes i feel that its not the amount of work that is driving me crazy, but rather its myself pushing myself too hard and there's nobody here to stop me. its like a positive feedback cycle. whenever i study ahead of my plan, i'll have excess time which i'll just use it to study more. and the cycle just goes on. sometimes i tell myself that even if i take things a bit easier, i'll still do fine. but i still can't do it though i'm trying hard. SIGHHH.

and deep in my heart, i know studies aren't worrying me the most. rather its the thing that starts with R. i know nobody can help me cause i need to answer the question myself and its just mindblowing. debb is always there for me whenever i need someone to talk about it. very grateful for this friend (: and whenever i mention this issue to my mum, she'll say some things and i'll just feel very bad. i don't want her to know that i'm at it again. not sure if i'm making the right decision or have i even decided on it. i really don't know.

1st two weeks of semester

i kind of like my timetable now. i have an almost free thurs every alternative week. but every other thurs are crazy; 8 - 5pm. the clinical sessions are towards the end of the week which give me something to look forward to.
Taking six sub-subjects this sem which makes it confusing and difficult to focus on the more important subjects. sighh.

1st two weeks of melb have been rather slack. been watching my taiwanese dramas and hanging out with friends. really miss the brunch here and i'm so glad that debb and i went for brunch at this awesome cafe at Balaclava (some suburb near st kilda). but there was a hailstorm that day so we were sort of stuck in the cafe and couldn't walk and look around.







have sort of finalised my easter plans! booked a ticket to sydney, will be spending about 1 week there (which is basically the whole easter week). i hope it'll be fun (:

so glad that i can listen to 933 online, it makes me feel like i'm at home in sg.
weather's turning cold but i like it =D