=x

i couldn't sleep last night, cause i was sick (yes how ironic, since its the time that i need rest the most), or rather i fell asleep while playing games on my iPhone at 9pm and then i woke up at 12midnight. and then i couldn't sleep anymore. it was so torturing. and so i called my sis and we spoke over the phone for nearly 1 hr (1 hour only, cause she was tired).. and i was nearly wide awake till 5am. and i had my alarm set at 7am, just because i wanted to pre-read my stuff for my endo pre clinic which starts at 9am.
became excited about my sis's trip to melb in april during easter, after talking to her on the phone. there's so many food places that i want to bring her too. i admit, i'm a foodie.

endo preclinic was not that good. cause of our demonstrator who was so critical of everything. yes i know being critical is good thing, cause we will aim to meet the higher standards.. yes yes, its all for our own good, and i accept that, and i'm learning to accept criticism. but the thing is, it really puts your morale down and excuse me, i'm only doing root canal on the second tooth in my whole life. give me a break.
and the fact that different demos have different way of doing things so they give u comments which are like contradicting each other. and we can't argue and tell the demo that "the other demo said that.." cause sometimes they will mark u down. so annoying.

sigh, life's not easy :( but i'm trying to accept things as they are, and stop whining about every single thing that i can whine about.

=D

restless

i' m feeling so restless preparing for my pathology test tomorrow.
and also distracted by so many things. like, deciding whether i should go canoeing in grampians. feeling pressurised by the guys to decide by tonight. but i kind of made up my mind that i'm not going (for an obvious reason, and its definitely not that i don't trust the guys' canoeing skills). sighh, stop thinking about it.

i can't wait for path test to be over tmr! its my free-er week with no perio clinic and ortho seminar so i'll be really free. will be in the easter holiday mood after tmr's test. but okay, maybe i shouldn't think so far yet, cause i might be emo-ing over my path test. really really hope that it goes smoothly.

some things that i realised..

#1 i really dislike doing scaling and root debridement on patients. last time (before i started clinic) i thought it was easy (like its one of the easiest dental procedure). but no, cause your indirect vision thru the mirror is (totally) obscured by the water coming out of the EMS scaler. and i'm afraid of going subgingival which will cause the gums to bleed though i know that it SHOULD bleed. even my healthy gums bleed when my dentist do scaling on me. what more about my patients with poor oral hygiene, right? i really should learn to be more daring.

#2 went out with my dent friends for dinner after clinic at some jap restaurant and had a long dinner (which is usual for our group). and then we headed back to the common room in my apt building when we discussed about our easter trip to Grampians.
somehow i feel that i've been spending too much time with them. not that i have many other friends outside dent that i should have time set aside for them, but i just want to have more time to myself (yes, myself AGAIN). but i don't know why i'm complaining when they are already complaining that they are seeing less of me (cause i don't go to every dinner outing though i'm trying to).

i just need to have some balance in my life. i realised that i can't study the whole day or slack the whole day or see the same people the whole day. i'll get tired and sian.

#3 talking to my family/friends in sg really takes up a lot of time. its easier said than done to just talk for a few minutes (maximum 30 mins?). cause there's so much to talk about (its two sided, my family have lots to tell me too). i really wish i had more time for my family/friends or have the ability to multi-task. as for friends, i really want to be there for my good friends who are having tough and stressful times in uni. they are always there for me, so i really want to do the same as well.

i'm not someone who really procastinates, or waste time. i get down to doing what i need to do but i don't seem to have enough time. sighhhh. and, you can only manage your time when u have time to manage right.(lol am i even making sense?)
i guess all i can do now is take things one step at a time.

one of my good friend's mum is diagnosed with cancer. life's just so vulnerable. her mum's really kind, i always remember how nice she is to me when i was in cedar. stay strong dear, will keep u and family in prayer (:

=(

the past 3 weeks had been rather a breeze and i really like that kind of life. but it just had to end on a bad note.

YOU made me feel so horrible, as if i really wanted it to happen. BUT NO, i tried very hard and it just didn't work out. you were simply so sarcastic (every sentence you said was trying to imply something negative). it won't hurt you to be just a little encouraging, right? give me a chance to move on, and I'll promise that I'll be better.

i simply don't know if you are trying to play some reverse psychology game with me. like you think the harsher you treat me, the more i'll prove you wrong? if that's the case, i really really hope that i'll be able to prove you wrong.

but for now, because of you, i'll losing faith (or rather lost faith) in myself and feel so useless.

=(

thoughts

met this guy who's a final year dentistry student from perth today. he's really interesting and it felt kind of good to be talking to someone who knows stuff that u know. and i realised that i'm enjoying (even more now) conversing with locals (australians). either they are interesting people or asians/singaporeans are just boring people.

now that i'm back home, i thought i would be able to enjoy life and not think of anything. but i don't know why, once again, i've been thinking about a lot of things that's making me v worried + confused. would really appreciate people around me to not make me more worried + confused about things. like sometimes, maybe just leave me alone? i don't know what to do to make myself feel better. :( and i'm really bad at dealing with relationships (with family and friends).. sighh.

pray.