hello,

okay this is like probably the longest interval in recent years that i haven't updated this space. i swear there's multiple occasions when i signed onto this account with the intention of wanting to update stuff but just didn't manage to start/complete a post. i guess i've been really busy and caught up with so much stuff that i feel that i can hardly breathe sometimes.

exams have ended and i've completed my 4th year (hopefully, since results arent out yet). i'm worried about my overall results even though i think this time's written exam is pretty manageable, mainly because of the many other components that i didn't manage to do as well as i should. but oh wells, i've tried my best i suppose and i'm leaving everything to God :)
4th year 2nd sem is supposedly the most difficult semester ever in the dental course so i'm thankful to God that He has pulled me through this whole year.

somehow i'm already getting scared about next year (omg, final year), knowing how stressful it can be towards the end of the year. so many things to worry/stress about and its just daunting :( and time just passes so fast that i can hardly catch up with it. like i can't believe its going to be Dec next week. damn fast.

i've been really easily annoyed and impatient recently. i'm just upset at the way i treat others and taking people and things for granted. :(
i'm going to lakes entrance after my dad goes back to sg. hopefully it'll take things off my mind a little and i hope i don't miss my dad too much (it shouldn't be that bad i hope, since i'm headed home in 2 weeks time). what i feel super sian is that i have 3 clinical sessions the following week. k was saying that we should just enjoy our short getaway tgt but then again, its so difficult to not think/worry about clinical stuff since i'm having clinics when i come back from this road trip. i really pray hard that everything goes well with the issuance of denture and splint. and more importantly, my patients being able to attend the sessions.

life's quite sad in the sense that there's like no end to worrying. after something's done, we have something else to think/worry about. or maybe its just me, who always thinks further ahead and finds stuff to worry about. idk.

1st month :)

woke up this morning after having a nightmare about me not answering two whole osce questions. it was scary cause it felt really real. i don't know why, but i've been kind of stressed the last week (yes, stressed during my holidays). i blame it on my GP clinical exam which is coming up soon at the end of august. still finding a suitable pt for my exam (which is considered last minute) and i really pray hard that this pt that i'm going to screen at the end of July is going to be a suitable one.

it seems like time passed really fast since i came back from my new zealand trip. and i seriously can't sort of recall what i have been doing since i came back. and its like only a week more of holidays before sem 2 (the scariest sem in the whole dental course) starts. time to get some work done, i suppose. but its the holidays :(

k's been really encouraging and spending time with him makes me feel less stressed (or maybe even more, since he's smart and knows his stuff whereas its the opposite for me :( ). and the one month (like what he said), passed really fast for us.
my family's reaction is really funny when i broke the news to them. and my mum's just so nice and understanding towards everything. she's the most awesome mum. love her ttm!

and i really don't know what to do at the end of the year (to go or not to go) :( but i know God has plans for me.
so leona, just breathe in and out, and trust in the Lord :)

:'( and :')

still trying to get over what happened. and i'm so dreading this week, esp tomorrow. Lord, please give me strength to overcome my fears.

i've been thinking way too much, feeling upset about stuff that i should have already gotten over. but u know how there's just some triggers (e.g. people around u) which remind u of unhappy stuff (but of course they don't do it intentionally) which just pulls u back down to where u started off.

anyways kind of relieved that OSCE was over yesterday. holidays have started, but not on a good note, and definitely not the way i want it to start. i keep reminding myself that God've made plans for me, and i should accept them and make the most out of what i'm going through.

so the consequence of thinking too much, is waking up at 6am on the first day of my holiday (after sleeping past 2am the night before). been sleep-deficient the previous nights. i wonder how my mind even have the energy to think about stuff. and crying the moment u wake up isn't a good start to the day. i thought tomorrow is always a better day?

didn't join the rest for post-exam dinner yesterday (didn't want people to sense that i was unhappy), but instead, had dinner with su and joseph (my favourite couple). hanging out with them kind of cheered me up a little. they are just so reassuring. like when they tell u not to think about it, u will really be kind of convinced to not think about it (though its not a lasting effect but at least it works for a while). so glad to have them around. on a side note, su showed me this korean singer that totally made my day and she sent me some pic of me and him side-by-side that she put tgt. awww she's too sweet :)

and my other awesome friends - mitch, yt, jm and parmesh, thanks for showing concern/trying to make me feel better. 

mum has been praying esp hard for me this period and i know my family gives me the utmost moral support. appreciate all that they have done :')

for now, i'll stay strong :')

:( stressed,

but i know i shouldn't be complaining cause i'm not the only one who is in this situation.
it's just part of life, isn't it.
i get frustrated when i can't remember the stuff that i have memorised. after all, its 9 subjects that i'm studying for monday's osce. there are 9 days in swot vac so it's perpetually studying 1 subject a day. but i'm just pushing on, even though i know my brain is saturated already.



"Humble yourselves before the Lord and he'll lift you up."
James 4:10

once again,

it's swot vac and it's time to hardcore study.
(wait, i can't believe its like the end of year 4 sem 1. which is so damn fast. feels like it was just after cny when i flew back to melb).

this sem was not very smooth-sailing (yea i realised how i've described every sem as bad). screwed up during clinics + patients not turning up when i really desperately need them to turn up, being very disorganised and bad with time management, and being distracted with (good/bad) stuff. etc etc etc.

nevertheless, i thank God for all that have happened and all his plans for me :)

on a side note, thanks to someone who delivered breakfast to me this morning. made my day :)

for now, just concentrate on studying. other things can/should wait.


I CAN DO THIS.

:")

Praise the Lord :)

EOX

(EOX = end of exams)

2.24am.

lying on my bed, watching a (rather) new taiwan drama - in time with you. was asking su what drama is nice to watch and she said she's watching this one at the moment. i've heard of it and so i started to watch it. and... it's really good :) hehe and i've only watched like 1 episode of it, and i'm already addicted to it :)

life after exam is no doubt boring/sian. but i rather come home feeling sian than force myself to sit down and read those notes.

feeling relieved that exams ended. viva yesterday (which was monday, but i felt like i ended exams days ago, i dun know why) was alright. 15 mins of oral exam didn't seem too difficult after all. not trying to say its easy (cause nothing can be easy in dentistry), its just easier/less scary than what we expected. or it could be that we over-stressed/frightened ourselves, cause after all it's our first ever viva voce. there's more to come in 4th and 5th years. btw the 5th years have completed their exams 2 weeks ago and they are graduating officially in early dec. omg damn envious.

just talked to jie on the phone for an hour. and i really really can't wait to go home. excited :)

its 3.32am and i reckon that i should sleep already so that i can wake up before 10am tomorrow to use my off-peak internet to watch the show :) oh and i woke up at 6.05am today (tues) - on the first day after exams. just can't sleep in.

good night (morning).

take one step at a time

tomorrow is my last written paper. next mon i've got viva voce (oral exam).

don't think too much, just concentrate on tomorrow's paper first.

and don't lose steam. FOCUS.

rem pros pract exam..

..is tomorrow.

pray for steady hands and a clear mind :)

all i want to say is that..

i'm stressed, stressed, stressed

exam sorrows

last two days were so bad. so so bad. in terms of my productivity. i actually slept at 10pm for the past two nights (saturday and sunday night). maybe its because i needed to catch up with my sleep (after sleeping only 6 hours in total for 2 consecutive nights). i really hope that's the case, and not because my brain's repelling the notes and putting me to sleep.

i always feel like crying (and i do actually tear) whenever i go to church during exam period. cause going to church reminds me of my mum who always praying for me whenever i go through tough and stressful times. and it makes me miss her presence so much. =(

i remember my mum being with me during my first year's final exam and she was REALLY by my side. she stayed in my apartment most of the time (the only times she went out were to buy groceries). she just read the newspaper to occupy herself when i was studying. i've got to admit that it was rather distracting, but the feeling of having someone to be there physically beside u is so reassuring. whenever she prayed for me when she was with me, it felt so encouraging. and i guess that's why that semester i got the award for dent materials.

sigh, now that i'm in this exam shit again, i really want my mum to be here and to tell me, "its okay, just do your best."

i know i'll still eventually pull through this even if i'm alone but it's going to be tough.

i'll have to be braver.

just to side-track a little, someone went to church on sunday and i was thinking to myself at the start of the service if he would be there (cause he don't usually go and only went once to our church). and he really went. it was really quite a surprise and it made me really quite happy :) i'm beginning to change my impression of him.

okay back to study. i've got to press on.

pray.

last day of 3rd year dent

it just feels so... unreal. yep, unreal that i've completed 3rd year (unofficially though, cause there's still exams).

my last GP clinical session kind of suck. what a way to end 3rd year. i feel so lousy. and i can't blame anyone cause it's my fault. why do i always make mistakes that i shouldn't have. i feel dumb. sighhh.

i slept only 3 hours last night and the night before. thanks to trying to memorise stuff + distractions etc. i need to focus and not waste time.

Thank you God for pulling me through the whole 3rd year. Please grant me strength for the coming exams, to be productive and free from distractions and study smartly and able to answer the questions to the best of my ability. Amen.

:)

starting to feel the stress.

yes its the time of the year again =/ got my exam timetable. exams are in less than a month's time. kind of like the arrangement of the exam dates. at least we don't end on the last day of the exam period. that sucks ttm.


kind of glad that the stress has kicked in. it's a wake-up call for me to focus on studying.


because God has said, 'never will I leave you, never will i forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5)
:)

last paperrr

3 more hours to the start of my last paper. totally not in the mood to study. i think i'm kind of prepared (or rather i just want to get over and done with it)? just pray for no mental blocks later during the exam.
path is such a self-study subject. the notes are just pictures and u'll have to read up in order to have something to study. so i guess how well we do for this paper depends on how much we read and whether we read the correct stuff.
i really miss being spoon-fed.

i have a feeling that i won't feel damn excited/relieved that exams r over later when it finally ends. maybe cause this whole thing has been dragging and dragging for such a long time that i'm just mentally drained to feel anything. and another reason could be that i'm not going back to sg this winter break. going back home always brings excitement, at least more excitement than staying here. also haven't got much plans for this hol.

cheer myself on,

almost there but not there yet

med paper was erm.. okay.
BUT, it was a choose-5-out-of-8 essay questions kind of paper. and i sort of had a (very) difficult time choosing my 5th question to do. and guess what. i think i made the wrong choice. cause halfway through, i felt as if i was a bit bullshitting along. hopefully the lecturer is lenient and thinks that i make some sense. and i really really pray that my other 4 questions can make it.

next paper (and FINAL ONE (FINALLY)!) is this friday. pathology part II.

i've been updating about my exam papers and it sounds like i'm taking so many subjects right. but actually everything adds up to 100% (they call it Oral Health Sciences 3 to put it really nicely from their point of view) even though each of them are different subjects. med, path and pharm. all are crazily hardcore subjects (we study like shit for each and every one of them) but they are only worth 30%, 30% and 40%. so not worth it. seriouslyy.
its not like we can put in 30% or 40% of effort for each of them.

this friday's paper is worth 18% of OSH 3. sounds little but still have to chiong if i don't want to screw the whole OHS grade up.
(but i'm taking a break tonight first. really need a rest la)

this morning was just so stressful. that's why i don't like afternoon papers. u feel like u have to study once through again in the morning cause u don't want to be slacking away just before your paper. and i barely finished my 2nd round of revision at 1pm and my paper starts at 2pm.

after dinner, i went over to pam's place to borrow a plaster cause i cut my finger yet again. and we chatted for pretty long (what we always do whenever we go over to each other's unit). her last paper is this wed, then she's headed to cairns and then back to melb for a few days before heading back to sg for good.
sigh. i'll miss her so badly.
i rely so much on her. i'm just so scared that i'll feel lost next sem without her around.

yesterday when i was cramming for med, i remembered that it was tw's golden melody awards on saturday so i went to check who won what. and ya, jay chou won two big awards. good on him. haha. i'm seriously weird. stressing over my exams and at the same time can be bothered over such things. but these are good distractions, aren't they.

last paper, go go go!

persevere

i hope i can stay up late tonight to study as much of med as i can.

after tomorrow, it'll be better, i reckon.

(i just ate my 4th instant noodles during this exam period. feel like puking.)

oh and,

Happy Fathers' Day, Daddy!
love u <3

why

i really don't know what's wrong with me.

:(

first written paper

pharm paper was okay and i think i managed my time relatively well but i kept having to squeeze information out of my brain during the exam. i missed out 2-3 points but i'm glad i remember most.
(mummy always tell me to not expect too much and be contented with whatever state i'm in.)

almost went crazy memorising all the content. it was that bad.

having a headache now but i have to study for tmr's morning pathology pract.

JIA YOU!

so screwed

:'(

couldn't pack my amalgam restoration properly.
had some deficiency and excess on the same resin incisal corner restoration.
how bad is that for a pract exam. :(

but at least i had something to hand up (if i want to make myself feel a tweeny bit better).
imagine if i had decided to remove my restoration and re-do at the last minute but had no time. that's the worst ever that can happen.

feeling so so down :'(

haven't spoke to mummy for almost 5 days cause i can't bring myself to call her. i'll just break down (as it always happen during exams).

what should i do :(

another (depressing) day of studying

加油!!