hello,

okay this is like probably the longest interval in recent years that i haven't updated this space. i swear there's multiple occasions when i signed onto this account with the intention of wanting to update stuff but just didn't manage to start/complete a post. i guess i've been really busy and caught up with so much stuff that i feel that i can hardly breathe sometimes.

exams have ended and i've completed my 4th year (hopefully, since results arent out yet). i'm worried about my overall results even though i think this time's written exam is pretty manageable, mainly because of the many other components that i didn't manage to do as well as i should. but oh wells, i've tried my best i suppose and i'm leaving everything to God :)
4th year 2nd sem is supposedly the most difficult semester ever in the dental course so i'm thankful to God that He has pulled me through this whole year.

somehow i'm already getting scared about next year (omg, final year), knowing how stressful it can be towards the end of the year. so many things to worry/stress about and its just daunting :( and time just passes so fast that i can hardly catch up with it. like i can't believe its going to be Dec next week. damn fast.

i've been really easily annoyed and impatient recently. i'm just upset at the way i treat others and taking people and things for granted. :(
i'm going to lakes entrance after my dad goes back to sg. hopefully it'll take things off my mind a little and i hope i don't miss my dad too much (it shouldn't be that bad i hope, since i'm headed home in 2 weeks time). what i feel super sian is that i have 3 clinical sessions the following week. k was saying that we should just enjoy our short getaway tgt but then again, its so difficult to not think/worry about clinical stuff since i'm having clinics when i come back from this road trip. i really pray hard that everything goes well with the issuance of denture and splint. and more importantly, my patients being able to attend the sessions.

life's quite sad in the sense that there's like no end to worrying. after something's done, we have something else to think/worry about. or maybe its just me, who always thinks further ahead and finds stuff to worry about. idk.

God is so amazing :D

really thank God for showering so much love on me :)

1st month :)

woke up this morning after having a nightmare about me not answering two whole osce questions. it was scary cause it felt really real. i don't know why, but i've been kind of stressed the last week (yes, stressed during my holidays). i blame it on my GP clinical exam which is coming up soon at the end of august. still finding a suitable pt for my exam (which is considered last minute) and i really pray hard that this pt that i'm going to screen at the end of July is going to be a suitable one.

it seems like time passed really fast since i came back from my new zealand trip. and i seriously can't sort of recall what i have been doing since i came back. and its like only a week more of holidays before sem 2 (the scariest sem in the whole dental course) starts. time to get some work done, i suppose. but its the holidays :(

k's been really encouraging and spending time with him makes me feel less stressed (or maybe even more, since he's smart and knows his stuff whereas its the opposite for me :( ). and the one month (like what he said), passed really fast for us.
my family's reaction is really funny when i broke the news to them. and my mum's just so nice and understanding towards everything. she's the most awesome mum. love her ttm!

and i really don't know what to do at the end of the year (to go or not to go) :( but i know God has plans for me.
so leona, just breathe in and out, and trust in the Lord :)

:'( and :')

still trying to get over what happened. and i'm so dreading this week, esp tomorrow. Lord, please give me strength to overcome my fears.

i've been thinking way too much, feeling upset about stuff that i should have already gotten over. but u know how there's just some triggers (e.g. people around u) which remind u of unhappy stuff (but of course they don't do it intentionally) which just pulls u back down to where u started off.

anyways kind of relieved that OSCE was over yesterday. holidays have started, but not on a good note, and definitely not the way i want it to start. i keep reminding myself that God've made plans for me, and i should accept them and make the most out of what i'm going through.

so the consequence of thinking too much, is waking up at 6am on the first day of my holiday (after sleeping past 2am the night before). been sleep-deficient the previous nights. i wonder how my mind even have the energy to think about stuff. and crying the moment u wake up isn't a good start to the day. i thought tomorrow is always a better day?

didn't join the rest for post-exam dinner yesterday (didn't want people to sense that i was unhappy), but instead, had dinner with su and joseph (my favourite couple). hanging out with them kind of cheered me up a little. they are just so reassuring. like when they tell u not to think about it, u will really be kind of convinced to not think about it (though its not a lasting effect but at least it works for a while). so glad to have them around. on a side note, su showed me this korean singer that totally made my day and she sent me some pic of me and him side-by-side that she put tgt. awww she's too sweet :)

and my other awesome friends - mitch, yt, jm and parmesh, thanks for showing concern/trying to make me feel better. 

mum has been praying esp hard for me this period and i know my family gives me the utmost moral support. appreciate all that they have done :')

for now, i'll stay strong :')

:")

Praise the Lord :)

happy mummy's day :D

<3 u always :)

love u jie :)

had an awesome time during easter hol with my sis in melb :)

now its time to get back to work and not be distracted.

:D

i'm so proud of you, daddy :)

random

i know this is really random but well, i was meddling with my printer for the past 1 hour. was getting really frustrated cause it kept saying "no paper fed Tray 1". there's no paper jams and i loaded sufficient paper correctly. and i needed to print my notes so badly.

and i just prayed that it'll work, somehow.

and guess what, it did :)

Thank God :)

my sis is going to take her first test in her Masters course today. wish her all the best! :) love u sis!

p.s. Jo! glad to hear from u! jiayou for your last sem! :D look forward to graduation!

on a saturday morning,

i'm feeling good,

cause I skyped with my family for 3+ hours last night (cause i couldn't sleep!) and I didn't have to set my alarm and able to wake up naturally this morning, knowing that the past four weeks of intensive period are finally over (or more imptly the endo test is over, but fyi i didn't do as well as i wanted, cause i managed my time really poorly).

nothing much to worry at the moment, though some of my patients are giving me a bit of headache in terms of planning their treatment (and praying hard that i can get a pt booked in next week morning session).

planning my holidays during winter (80% chances that i'm not going back to sg then - haha this keeps changing though). its kind of my last winter to travel around since 5th year winter is going to be filled with rotations and other stuff.

:)

upset...

with myself for being grumpy, selfish, full of myself, not being understanding towards others, and many other things.

so, what happened to one of my 2012 resolutions of wanting to be nicer to those around me? :( a bad start.

i must try (much) harder.


some things just affect me so much that i feel really bad/upset. how i wish i can be of help to those around me :(

sad things aside, i met up with my laogong today and the meet-up really made me happy (meeting her always make me happy).

been going out very often and spending a lot of money. i always have this sudden urge to graduate and earn money so that i won't have to spend my parents' money. 2 more years. CAN'T WAIT!

Lord, i pray for a better 2012 for my loved ones.

merry xmas :)

christmas this year was filled with so much love from family and friends :)

exactly one more month to my return to melb. fourth year's going to be exciting but stressful ttm. till then, it's going to be more eating, watching dramas and slacking :)

hello spring!

just got home from work and the house just feels so empty cause mummy flew back to sg already =( missing her.

i've been so mean to her (the usual me =/) and i swear i know that i'm mean but just can't help it sometimes. i hate myself for being so selfish and grumpy and not knowing how to treasure those around me. i suck i know =(

but but, i did have a great time with mummy (uploaded some pics on fb)! we ate super a lot of good food (both outside and home-cooked). mummy's cooking just rocks ttm. AND WE SHOPPED LIKE CRAZY. hahah i must say, "like daughter, like mother!" i bought so much stuff cause its like the end-of-season sales. damn awesome shopping. i felt so guilty for spending so much money, buying stuff that i can completely live without it. but i told myself i'm earning money, so that's fine. its so bad. =x

i need to try to study some stuff cause i've neglected my work like crazy. mum's here, lots of birthday celebrations (a big one for my good friend coming up after cairns trip), work, cairns trip coming up etc etc. i really want to get onto the groove of studying hard core again. flying to cairns on thurs for a week (super long =x) and so i'm only left with tonight and weds. tmr i'm going to the dent hospital to collect my denture framework for my pt and then meet jin to get some photos of him for printing for friend's birthday. OMG DAMN BUSY =(


i don't know how to describe the situation i'm in now. busy but yet i don't feel like anything is being done. feeling so unaccomplished.
i just need a day to sit down and flip through my notes without any distractions. but its really difficult with thousand and one things going on. maybe after the spring break it'll be better (it better be)!

i hope cairns trip is going to be enjoyable and everything's going to go smoothly. =D

have things changed

had my oral med mid-sem (mcq) this morning. it was an online test which we did in the comp lab and the results came out after u've completed the test. well, i passed but it wasn't a good grade at all. it was a tricky test but i wouldn't use that as an excuse for not doing well. i felt disappointed when i saw my mark. and that was because i've studied quite a bit for this test. after all, i haven't been studying much ever since this sem started as compared to previous sems and i can say for all the time that i've spent studying, all was spent on oral med. i totally hecked dental pract (ortho, rem pros, perio, community dental health) and surgery. i did guess a couple of the questions and was just crossing my fingers that i guessed those questions correctly (if not all, at least some). but apparently i wasn't too lucky today. =(
my disappointment kind of went away quite quickly. which is kind of unlike my previous self. knowing myself very well, i always brood over unhappy stuff. and i realised that the test was 20% of the overall grade for this subject, only after the test. the previous me would always check out the percentage before i even start studying for the test so that i'll be able to 'frighten' (or rather stress) myself to study harder. i always have high expectations of myself. and 20% is definitely a great deal to me. yea it is still a great deal to me now, but somehow i'll be able to convince myself that its alright, there's still the 80% that i'll be able to catch up on. and to make myself feel even better, i'll remind myself about how bad it was in first year first sem when i struggled like crazy with the bio med subject. i studied like crazy and only managed to 'just pass' my tests. and everyone else was scoring (getting near full marks). i really felt so stupid at that time. yea and finally i managed to somehow miraculously get an 80 overall which is an H1 grade. I felt damn awesome.
so whenever i don't do well for a test now, i'll think about how 'cham' things were with bio med and i actually survived and did better than my other peers who had an initial advantage (cause they did bio before). nothing can be worse than that right. yea so now it seems like i look at things in a more positive manner - if i want to put things in a nicer way. but in the not-so-nice way, i'm actually taking things too easy. i feel like i've lost my 上进心, which is so bad. life's indeed happier now but i'm not sure if that's going to be good in the long term. hate to imagine that my results will just be getting worse and i will still be okay with it. so scary huh. I must do something about it. but then again, i'm trying to make myself feel depressed over lousy results and then cry over split milk. would that do me good? i really don't know. all i know is that i want to do well and make my parents proud of me.

i know i've said this umpteen times but i just feel so so blessed to have such an awesome family. i was hesitating so much about going to cairns but my parents and sis were like so supportive of me to go despite of the high costs. i know they just want me to enjoy myself. and my laptop crashed on me last week and they were encouraging me to get a new lappy asap and mum said "make sure u get a good one, its okay if its more expensive". awww things like this really make me feel so touched. and because mum's coming to melb soon, my family have prepared lots of stuff to bring over for me (clothes, food and whatever not). i saw stuff on the blogshop that i wanted to buy and i told jie and she bought it for me so quickly. Jie's bringing me to bangkok for a shopping spree in dec when i'm back for holidays. i really have the best sister. love her ttm <3 <3 <3
i feel like my family always putting me in top priority, and i'm like not doing my part for the family. to them, i just have to study hard (but they are definitely not stressing me out, cause mummy says i just have to pass cause she knows its tough) and do my best. and here i am, not even doing well enough to meet my expectations. i'm just so disappointed in myself.

sigh i feel like blogging about him, but yea i think this post is emo enough and somehow now, 'he' doesn't seem that important as compared to other more important things like my family. i shouldn't be worrying about that too much right?

22ND BIRTHDAY :D

had a lovely birthday :DDD

i should have posted about my birthday earlier cause now i'm really very lazy to do a proper post on it.

yea basically, my friends gave me a surprise (thanks to my dearest su and parmesh who tricked me) the day before my birthday. i have to admit that i didn't suspect anything until just before the surprise. cause the girls said they were going to celebrate my birthday on the actual day and so i didn't thought it would be the day before. love the surprise party (with good food!), presents, cards etc. for those who gave me personal presents/cards, i really appreciate your thoughts. u guys are just so sweet <3

skyped with my family for like 3+ hours on my birthday and i definitely felt the love from them. :DD

was telling parmesh/su that i don't really feel like celebrating my bday (esp now that i'm not young anymore), maybe just with closer friends (like a mini celebration). its more personal and it makes me feel more comfortable/less awkward (if u know what i mean). but yeaa just want to say a BIG THANKS to those around me, making me feel loved and cherished! xx

my 22nd birthday resolution:


THANK GOD for making my life so amazing. :DDD

happy day

i feel happy today even though,
i've been slacking too much and wasting my time (not doing anything useful since uni started); and
i got woken up by parmesh's calls yesterday and this morning which kinda shocked me (and i really don't like getting shocks in the morning); and
i went to uni today even though its my official free day (still can't believe that my group is so lucky to have every thurs off).

YEA, but still happy,because,
its my MUMMY'S BIRTHDAY today! and i called her just now to wish her and she was happy + excited from receiving my birthday wishes (so cute right) and i'm happy whenever mummy's happy; and
i kind of enjoyed assisting parmesh today in the clinic (actually glad that i went to assist her. i'll be wasting my time at home anyways and i get to meet my friends in the clinic and chat with them. loll); and
i can watch city hunter (with ENG SUBS) tonight. second last episode though. i'll miss lee min ho! hahaha

life's good when u feel good. =D but but, i need to start being disciplined (study more and eat less!).

yea and i'm so not looking forward to celebrating my birthday with friends. i don't like to celebrate with a big group of friends. prefer small groups' celebration and like to celebrate with my family the most. mummy said when she come to melb in late aug, she'll celebrate with me a super belated one. awww she's the best :D but yea its alright, not that i really want my birthday to be celebrated. i seriously don't mind just staying at home and do what i like to do.

so screwed

:'(

couldn't pack my amalgam restoration properly.
had some deficiency and excess on the same resin incisal corner restoration.
how bad is that for a pract exam. :(

but at least i had something to hand up (if i want to make myself feel a tweeny bit better).
imagine if i had decided to remove my restoration and re-do at the last minute but had no time. that's the worst ever that can happen.

feeling so so down :'(

haven't spoke to mummy for almost 5 days cause i can't bring myself to call her. i'll just break down (as it always happen during exams).

what should i do :(

emo

suddenly feel scared for my cons (pract) exams and my written papers.

suddenly miss home (esp my mummy) so much.

:'(

some things that i realised..

#1 i really dislike doing scaling and root debridement on patients. last time (before i started clinic) i thought it was easy (like its one of the easiest dental procedure). but no, cause your indirect vision thru the mirror is (totally) obscured by the water coming out of the EMS scaler. and i'm afraid of going subgingival which will cause the gums to bleed though i know that it SHOULD bleed. even my healthy gums bleed when my dentist do scaling on me. what more about my patients with poor oral hygiene, right? i really should learn to be more daring.

#2 went out with my dent friends for dinner after clinic at some jap restaurant and had a long dinner (which is usual for our group). and then we headed back to the common room in my apt building when we discussed about our easter trip to Grampians.
somehow i feel that i've been spending too much time with them. not that i have many other friends outside dent that i should have time set aside for them, but i just want to have more time to myself (yes, myself AGAIN). but i don't know why i'm complaining when they are already complaining that they are seeing less of me (cause i don't go to every dinner outing though i'm trying to).

i just need to have some balance in my life. i realised that i can't study the whole day or slack the whole day or see the same people the whole day. i'll get tired and sian.

#3 talking to my family/friends in sg really takes up a lot of time. its easier said than done to just talk for a few minutes (maximum 30 mins?). cause there's so much to talk about (its two sided, my family have lots to tell me too). i really wish i had more time for my family/friends or have the ability to multi-task. as for friends, i really want to be there for my good friends who are having tough and stressful times in uni. they are always there for me, so i really want to do the same as well.

i'm not someone who really procastinates, or waste time. i get down to doing what i need to do but i don't seem to have enough time. sighhhh. and, you can only manage your time when u have time to manage right.(lol am i even making sense?)
i guess all i can do now is take things one step at a time.

one of my good friend's mum is diagnosed with cancer. life's just so vulnerable. her mum's really kind, i always remember how nice she is to me when i was in cedar. stay strong dear, will keep u and family in prayer (:

HAPPY CNY!

HAPPY CNY EVERYBODY! may all of us have an awesome year ahead!

i have so many things to update on this blog.. after all, my two months summer hols is ending real soon (flying back earlier than planned) and i'm glad to say that my hols have been very fufilling because i managed to accomplish everything i wanted/planned to do. cheers :)

my hols started on a good note with a temp job that i (was pretty lucky) found online. working in a hotel was definitely a pleasant experience. nice colleagues and bosses, meals provided, lots of freedom, managable work. and the best thing was that they were comfortable with me working for 1 month, which meant that i could just spend my other month doing things that i want to do.

and so, my second month was about attachment with NUS dentistry (it was rewarding!), hong kong trip, more meet-up sessions with friends, spring cleaning, bringing Jin (korean friend) around Sg etccc.

hong kong trip was AWESOME to the max! love the fact that i was travelling with my sis and everything was well-planned. =D yes, we just ate, shopped, ate, shopped ... ...

meet-up sessions were kind of difficult to plan, cause everyone's so busy with uni/internships/preparation for exchange.. thanks friends for accomodating my schedule! at least we managed to catch up on quite a bit of stuff!

Jin was in Singapore for the past 5 days and bringing him around was such a torture. hahaa no la, not because of him, but rather, the super bad weather (!!!) and the lack of places to bring him around. but at least now there's RWS/USS and MBS in Sg. But Jin's just amazing. he eats everything and anything, tries to fit into the sg culture, agrees with any plans that we have for him, and does not complain about anything. =D yes, a super guai tourist (except for the fact that he keeps imitating me)!

CNY was pretty normal this year. haha the same questions, as usual, "which year are u in uni?",
"how many more years before you grad?", "when are u going back to Melb?", "How's uni?" blah blah blah.
having a bad cough now so i can't really indulge in all the cny goodies. booo, i want my bak kwa and pineapple tarts. had to see a doc just now to get stronger antibiotics. 24-hour doctors are suckers - $75 for consultation and medication.

good news and bad news.
good news first, THANK GOD that i'm managed to change my flight back to melb to the 5th of feb! so i won't be missing my 9am preclinics on the first day of sch. PHEW.

bad news, i'm not prepared (emotionally and physically) to go back earlier. just started to sink into the CNY mood and i haven't started packing. i have loads of stuff to bring back.
I need to arrange a new appt for the collection of keys for my new apartment and the connection of my utitilies. and i'm in the process of getting all these done. pray that everything will go smoothly.

this sem's timetable is simply crazy.
8am-5pm. starting clinics this sem. pray for nice and good patients. (:

bye singapore again - not sure when i'm flying back the next time, most probably end of the year? whatever it is, see u guys then! =D

love,
leona