hello,

okay this is like probably the longest interval in recent years that i haven't updated this space. i swear there's multiple occasions when i signed onto this account with the intention of wanting to update stuff but just didn't manage to start/complete a post. i guess i've been really busy and caught up with so much stuff that i feel that i can hardly breathe sometimes.

exams have ended and i've completed my 4th year (hopefully, since results arent out yet). i'm worried about my overall results even though i think this time's written exam is pretty manageable, mainly because of the many other components that i didn't manage to do as well as i should. but oh wells, i've tried my best i suppose and i'm leaving everything to God :)
4th year 2nd sem is supposedly the most difficult semester ever in the dental course so i'm thankful to God that He has pulled me through this whole year.

somehow i'm already getting scared about next year (omg, final year), knowing how stressful it can be towards the end of the year. so many things to worry/stress about and its just daunting :( and time just passes so fast that i can hardly catch up with it. like i can't believe its going to be Dec next week. damn fast.

i've been really easily annoyed and impatient recently. i'm just upset at the way i treat others and taking people and things for granted. :(
i'm going to lakes entrance after my dad goes back to sg. hopefully it'll take things off my mind a little and i hope i don't miss my dad too much (it shouldn't be that bad i hope, since i'm headed home in 2 weeks time). what i feel super sian is that i have 3 clinical sessions the following week. k was saying that we should just enjoy our short getaway tgt but then again, its so difficult to not think/worry about clinical stuff since i'm having clinics when i come back from this road trip. i really pray hard that everything goes well with the issuance of denture and splint. and more importantly, my patients being able to attend the sessions.

life's quite sad in the sense that there's like no end to worrying. after something's done, we have something else to think/worry about. or maybe its just me, who always thinks further ahead and finds stuff to worry about. idk.

God is so amazing :D

really thank God for showering so much love on me :)

jiayou

note to self:

what a tiring/eventful week

i have been dreading thurs so much because of endo clinic. i felt so stressed that i can't finish this endo case of mine which have been dragging since forever (like last sem). got mum to pray for me (and of course myself praying really hard) that this Thurs is it. AND THANK GOD THAT I COMPLETED IT THIS THURS. like finally finally. i admit that i gave up since many endo sessions ago cause its just so hard, and it just seems like i'm not fated to find those root canals. and i just wanted my demo to help me with it and get me through this. doesn't matter if she does the obturation with me just assisting and not doing it myself, i.just.want.to.end.this (okay i think my attitude sounds really bad).

and i really really admire my patient for all his patience and compliance. imagine sitting on the chair for 3 hours x many sessions and not having any progress. he's the best patient EVER. 

its so hard to get the best of both worlds. like to get predictable and not-so-difficult cases and at the same time nice patients. now that i finished this case,  i need to get a new patient whom i really pray hard that is nice and whose root canal tx is manageable by me. i can't afford to waste/miss any more sessions or i'll be struggling to complete my requirements by the end of the year. 

fixed pros session is so much better (but i shall not say it too soon).

yep, so this week is busy also because i've been spending time with k (almost everyday) cause he's going hk and back home for the next two weeks. starting to miss him.

just listened to quite a number of lecture recordings. got to read a pile of notes and digest them. next week i've got exo and oral surgery rotations, research and lab work to do (on top of my usual lectures/clinics). busy busy.

1st month :)

woke up this morning after having a nightmare about me not answering two whole osce questions. it was scary cause it felt really real. i don't know why, but i've been kind of stressed the last week (yes, stressed during my holidays). i blame it on my GP clinical exam which is coming up soon at the end of august. still finding a suitable pt for my exam (which is considered last minute) and i really pray hard that this pt that i'm going to screen at the end of July is going to be a suitable one.

it seems like time passed really fast since i came back from my new zealand trip. and i seriously can't sort of recall what i have been doing since i came back. and its like only a week more of holidays before sem 2 (the scariest sem in the whole dental course) starts. time to get some work done, i suppose. but its the holidays :(

k's been really encouraging and spending time with him makes me feel less stressed (or maybe even more, since he's smart and knows his stuff whereas its the opposite for me :( ). and the one month (like what he said), passed really fast for us.
my family's reaction is really funny when i broke the news to them. and my mum's just so nice and understanding towards everything. she's the most awesome mum. love her ttm!

and i really don't know what to do at the end of the year (to go or not to go) :( but i know God has plans for me.
so leona, just breathe in and out, and trust in the Lord :)

:( stressed,

but i know i shouldn't be complaining cause i'm not the only one who is in this situation.
it's just part of life, isn't it.
i get frustrated when i can't remember the stuff that i have memorised. after all, its 9 subjects that i'm studying for monday's osce. there are 9 days in swot vac so it's perpetually studying 1 subject a day. but i'm just pushing on, even though i know my brain is saturated already.



"Humble yourselves before the Lord and he'll lift you up."
James 4:10

once again,

it's swot vac and it's time to hardcore study.
(wait, i can't believe its like the end of year 4 sem 1. which is so damn fast. feels like it was just after cny when i flew back to melb).

this sem was not very smooth-sailing (yea i realised how i've described every sem as bad). screwed up during clinics + patients not turning up when i really desperately need them to turn up, being very disorganised and bad with time management, and being distracted with (good/bad) stuff. etc etc etc.

nevertheless, i thank God for all that have happened and all his plans for me :)

on a side note, thanks to someone who delivered breakfast to me this morning. made my day :)

for now, just concentrate on studying. other things can/should wait.


I CAN DO THIS.

:")

Praise the Lord :)

all i want to say is that..

i'm stressed, stressed, stressed

starting to feel the stress.

yes its the time of the year again =/ got my exam timetable. exams are in less than a month's time. kind of like the arrangement of the exam dates. at least we don't end on the last day of the exam period. that sucks ttm.


kind of glad that the stress has kicked in. it's a wake-up call for me to focus on studying.


because God has said, 'never will I leave you, never will i forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5)
:)

almost there but not there yet

med paper was erm.. okay.
BUT, it was a choose-5-out-of-8 essay questions kind of paper. and i sort of had a (very) difficult time choosing my 5th question to do. and guess what. i think i made the wrong choice. cause halfway through, i felt as if i was a bit bullshitting along. hopefully the lecturer is lenient and thinks that i make some sense. and i really really pray that my other 4 questions can make it.

next paper (and FINAL ONE (FINALLY)!) is this friday. pathology part II.

i've been updating about my exam papers and it sounds like i'm taking so many subjects right. but actually everything adds up to 100% (they call it Oral Health Sciences 3 to put it really nicely from their point of view) even though each of them are different subjects. med, path and pharm. all are crazily hardcore subjects (we study like shit for each and every one of them) but they are only worth 30%, 30% and 40%. so not worth it. seriouslyy.
its not like we can put in 30% or 40% of effort for each of them.

this friday's paper is worth 18% of OSH 3. sounds little but still have to chiong if i don't want to screw the whole OHS grade up.
(but i'm taking a break tonight first. really need a rest la)

this morning was just so stressful. that's why i don't like afternoon papers. u feel like u have to study once through again in the morning cause u don't want to be slacking away just before your paper. and i barely finished my 2nd round of revision at 1pm and my paper starts at 2pm.

after dinner, i went over to pam's place to borrow a plaster cause i cut my finger yet again. and we chatted for pretty long (what we always do whenever we go over to each other's unit). her last paper is this wed, then she's headed to cairns and then back to melb for a few days before heading back to sg for good.
sigh. i'll miss her so badly.
i rely so much on her. i'm just so scared that i'll feel lost next sem without her around.

yesterday when i was cramming for med, i remembered that it was tw's golden melody awards on saturday so i went to check who won what. and ya, jay chou won two big awards. good on him. haha. i'm seriously weird. stressing over my exams and at the same time can be bothered over such things. but these are good distractions, aren't they.

last paper, go go go!

persevere

i hope i can stay up late tonight to study as much of med as i can.

after tomorrow, it'll be better, i reckon.

(i just ate my 4th instant noodles during this exam period. feel like puking.)

oh and,

Happy Fathers' Day, Daddy!
love u <3

sighhh

yes i know i shouldn't be posting anything now (and anytime till next thurs) cause i still have so so many chapters to cover within these few days before i step into the exam hall at royal exhibition centre next tues [oh man, and i need to check out the exact location of my exam venue]. shall give myself 10-15 mins of break before i'll continue with the studying :( damn stressed.

(ok here i go again,)
i feel like crying [and i do cry] whenever i think of my pre-exam life in singapore. i totally miss my mum's birdnest and ginseng. and my dad/sis's car ride to somewhere to chill out at night whenever i'm totally sick of studying. they'll be more than willing to drive me to have some nice coffee and it really helps so much to get away from the books just for a while. and and, i don't have to worry about dozing off while studying on my bed, cause my daddy or mummy will wake me up early next morning automatically so that i can study. i can always look forward to (extra) nice meals prepared by my mum during our exams cause she knows my sis and i need good food to destress. etc etc

sigh sigh sigh :'(

its just so different now that i'm here alone to fight the battle :( ok i think i sound spoilt but seriously, i cannot help it..its damn sad to be away from your family when u need them the most.

anyway its almost confirmed that i'm not going back to singapore this winter break :( but i'll be going to sydney to look for mitch (booked the ticket already :) ). okay i think skyping with him yesterday really made me feel better, cause he's been through what i'm going through now, though i can still say its different. managed to tell him some stuff, but like what i told him, so much has happened (i can write a book, like seriously) and its not possible to tell him over skype over that hour. anyways, i'm telling myself not to think so much, its not going to help, especially now what i need most is to FOCUS on my exams prep.

and why must it be so gloomy during winter! :( i need to keep my life bright.

sigh

i'm feeling stressed. not really looking forward to easter hols even though we've got some plans cause there's lots of work to catch up during the week. everything's moving at such a fast rate that its really difficult to breathe. i really wonder how the dent pple in nus can survive. seriously. or prob i think i might be able to survive better in singapore since i've got direct support from my family. being in aust, i have to endure everything by myself. i feel as if its exam period all the time. yes that's how stressful it is. pretty worried that i won't be able to cope. sighhh.

okay unhappy stuff aside, i'll be going ballarat during easter for a one-day trip with some of the dent pple. then we'll also go to one of the suburb on another day. hopefully it'll be fun.

i need to stop:
#1 shopping [spent so much during march (it hit four-digit, omg), cause there's the end-of-summer sales]
#2 watching my taiwan shows on youtube. [ its so addictive i swear, that i just cannot stop opening new tabs to load the videos.]
#3 sleeping past 2am and 3am everyday. [yes i know its bad for health but i need to study and at the same time, watch my shows.]
#4 eating so much [its really scary. cause easter is coming, so there's lots of cheap and damn good chocs around - i love the tiramisu choc that i just bought. could finish the whole big bar in 2 days. and just had dinner + dessert at lygon with the singaporeans. i feel so full now ]
#5 worrying [i really really cannot help it :( ]


good luck to me.