hello,

okay this is like probably the longest interval in recent years that i haven't updated this space. i swear there's multiple occasions when i signed onto this account with the intention of wanting to update stuff but just didn't manage to start/complete a post. i guess i've been really busy and caught up with so much stuff that i feel that i can hardly breathe sometimes.

exams have ended and i've completed my 4th year (hopefully, since results arent out yet). i'm worried about my overall results even though i think this time's written exam is pretty manageable, mainly because of the many other components that i didn't manage to do as well as i should. but oh wells, i've tried my best i suppose and i'm leaving everything to God :)
4th year 2nd sem is supposedly the most difficult semester ever in the dental course so i'm thankful to God that He has pulled me through this whole year.

somehow i'm already getting scared about next year (omg, final year), knowing how stressful it can be towards the end of the year. so many things to worry/stress about and its just daunting :( and time just passes so fast that i can hardly catch up with it. like i can't believe its going to be Dec next week. damn fast.

i've been really easily annoyed and impatient recently. i'm just upset at the way i treat others and taking people and things for granted. :(
i'm going to lakes entrance after my dad goes back to sg. hopefully it'll take things off my mind a little and i hope i don't miss my dad too much (it shouldn't be that bad i hope, since i'm headed home in 2 weeks time). what i feel super sian is that i have 3 clinical sessions the following week. k was saying that we should just enjoy our short getaway tgt but then again, its so difficult to not think/worry about clinical stuff since i'm having clinics when i come back from this road trip. i really pray hard that everything goes well with the issuance of denture and splint. and more importantly, my patients being able to attend the sessions.

life's quite sad in the sense that there's like no end to worrying. after something's done, we have something else to think/worry about. or maybe its just me, who always thinks further ahead and finds stuff to worry about. idk.

God is so amazing :D

really thank God for showering so much love on me :)

what a tiring/eventful week

i have been dreading thurs so much because of endo clinic. i felt so stressed that i can't finish this endo case of mine which have been dragging since forever (like last sem). got mum to pray for me (and of course myself praying really hard) that this Thurs is it. AND THANK GOD THAT I COMPLETED IT THIS THURS. like finally finally. i admit that i gave up since many endo sessions ago cause its just so hard, and it just seems like i'm not fated to find those root canals. and i just wanted my demo to help me with it and get me through this. doesn't matter if she does the obturation with me just assisting and not doing it myself, i.just.want.to.end.this (okay i think my attitude sounds really bad).

and i really really admire my patient for all his patience and compliance. imagine sitting on the chair for 3 hours x many sessions and not having any progress. he's the best patient EVER. 

its so hard to get the best of both worlds. like to get predictable and not-so-difficult cases and at the same time nice patients. now that i finished this case,  i need to get a new patient whom i really pray hard that is nice and whose root canal tx is manageable by me. i can't afford to waste/miss any more sessions or i'll be struggling to complete my requirements by the end of the year. 

fixed pros session is so much better (but i shall not say it too soon).

yep, so this week is busy also because i've been spending time with k (almost everyday) cause he's going hk and back home for the next two weeks. starting to miss him.

just listened to quite a number of lecture recordings. got to read a pile of notes and digest them. next week i've got exo and oral surgery rotations, research and lab work to do (on top of my usual lectures/clinics). busy busy.

1st month :)

woke up this morning after having a nightmare about me not answering two whole osce questions. it was scary cause it felt really real. i don't know why, but i've been kind of stressed the last week (yes, stressed during my holidays). i blame it on my GP clinical exam which is coming up soon at the end of august. still finding a suitable pt for my exam (which is considered last minute) and i really pray hard that this pt that i'm going to screen at the end of July is going to be a suitable one.

it seems like time passed really fast since i came back from my new zealand trip. and i seriously can't sort of recall what i have been doing since i came back. and its like only a week more of holidays before sem 2 (the scariest sem in the whole dental course) starts. time to get some work done, i suppose. but its the holidays :(

k's been really encouraging and spending time with him makes me feel less stressed (or maybe even more, since he's smart and knows his stuff whereas its the opposite for me :( ). and the one month (like what he said), passed really fast for us.
my family's reaction is really funny when i broke the news to them. and my mum's just so nice and understanding towards everything. she's the most awesome mum. love her ttm!

and i really don't know what to do at the end of the year (to go or not to go) :( but i know God has plans for me.
so leona, just breathe in and out, and trust in the Lord :)

:)

back to being a happy me. thank God for putting me through all that has happened. i supposed i've learnt stuff and have become a stronger person?

anyways i wanted to blog about a lot of stuff after last weds but i ended up procrastinating all the way till today.

sydney trip was a short retreat for me, but well, its still a good break. bad weather but good company, so i won't complain.

and yesterday (13th june) was the day :)

once again,

it's swot vac and it's time to hardcore study.
(wait, i can't believe its like the end of year 4 sem 1. which is so damn fast. feels like it was just after cny when i flew back to melb).

this sem was not very smooth-sailing (yea i realised how i've described every sem as bad). screwed up during clinics + patients not turning up when i really desperately need them to turn up, being very disorganised and bad with time management, and being distracted with (good/bad) stuff. etc etc etc.

nevertheless, i thank God for all that have happened and all his plans for me :)

on a side note, thanks to someone who delivered breakfast to me this morning. made my day :)

for now, just concentrate on studying. other things can/should wait.


I CAN DO THIS.

confused

yesterday it happened. i feel pissed for some reason even though it should be something that i feel happy or excited about.
i was complaining to mitch whatever happened and i think he thinks that i'm at fault.
anyway, he was quite discouraging about the whole thing since it started.

i feel that recently i've been complaining too much about stuff that are not meant to be complained about.

argh. i'm just annoyed at how things have become and at myself.

down :(

hate it whenever i have to post something with the title containing ':('

but i guess i don't have choice cause i'm really feeling down.

 

did my first extractions of 2 retained roots and suture (!!!) today, but somehow, i don't feel happy/excited. 

cause maybe i fumbled quite a bit and didn't get things right the first time.

and i'm worried about getting a suitable pt for my case pres. and getting an endo pt. most prob i can't complete an endo case this sem. just because i wasted time on a particular pt who couldn't be bothered to come. so damn annoyed with her. 

so many things to worry about. sigh. this is just life, isn't it?

talking to mitch kind of makes me feel happy, but then again, we talk for hours over the phone. hours that can be spent on studying, talking to my family (which i feel bad for not calling them sometimes) and doing other useful stuff like exercising. lol but seriously and honestly, i wouldn't exactly see it as a waste of time. i'm glad that i've got a good guy friend whom i can tell him anything under the sun.

should i follow his advice about what i should do next? idk. =( 

i'm just such a confused person. being my friends can be a really tiring thing. thanks friends for being there for me :)

 

:)

i think i made the right decision?
thanks to whoever who encouraged me to do it :)

wasn't that bad/hard after all :D

bad week

=( and :/ describe my week.

hopefully next week will be better.
and i'm so dreading this weekend.

emo

feeling a bit emo tonight :(

maybe just focus on studying?

confused

seems like history is repeating itself.

good or bad, i really don't know.

anyhow, my prayer was answered.

exam sorrows

last two days were so bad. so so bad. in terms of my productivity. i actually slept at 10pm for the past two nights (saturday and sunday night). maybe its because i needed to catch up with my sleep (after sleeping only 6 hours in total for 2 consecutive nights). i really hope that's the case, and not because my brain's repelling the notes and putting me to sleep.

i always feel like crying (and i do actually tear) whenever i go to church during exam period. cause going to church reminds me of my mum who always praying for me whenever i go through tough and stressful times. and it makes me miss her presence so much. =(

i remember my mum being with me during my first year's final exam and she was REALLY by my side. she stayed in my apartment most of the time (the only times she went out were to buy groceries). she just read the newspaper to occupy herself when i was studying. i've got to admit that it was rather distracting, but the feeling of having someone to be there physically beside u is so reassuring. whenever she prayed for me when she was with me, it felt so encouraging. and i guess that's why that semester i got the award for dent materials.

sigh, now that i'm in this exam shit again, i really want my mum to be here and to tell me, "its okay, just do your best."

i know i'll still eventually pull through this even if i'm alone but it's going to be tough.

i'll have to be braver.

just to side-track a little, someone went to church on sunday and i was thinking to myself at the start of the service if he would be there (cause he don't usually go and only went once to our church). and he really went. it was really quite a surprise and it made me really quite happy :) i'm beginning to change my impression of him.

okay back to study. i've got to press on.

pray.

have things changed

had my oral med mid-sem (mcq) this morning. it was an online test which we did in the comp lab and the results came out after u've completed the test. well, i passed but it wasn't a good grade at all. it was a tricky test but i wouldn't use that as an excuse for not doing well. i felt disappointed when i saw my mark. and that was because i've studied quite a bit for this test. after all, i haven't been studying much ever since this sem started as compared to previous sems and i can say for all the time that i've spent studying, all was spent on oral med. i totally hecked dental pract (ortho, rem pros, perio, community dental health) and surgery. i did guess a couple of the questions and was just crossing my fingers that i guessed those questions correctly (if not all, at least some). but apparently i wasn't too lucky today. =(
my disappointment kind of went away quite quickly. which is kind of unlike my previous self. knowing myself very well, i always brood over unhappy stuff. and i realised that the test was 20% of the overall grade for this subject, only after the test. the previous me would always check out the percentage before i even start studying for the test so that i'll be able to 'frighten' (or rather stress) myself to study harder. i always have high expectations of myself. and 20% is definitely a great deal to me. yea it is still a great deal to me now, but somehow i'll be able to convince myself that its alright, there's still the 80% that i'll be able to catch up on. and to make myself feel even better, i'll remind myself about how bad it was in first year first sem when i struggled like crazy with the bio med subject. i studied like crazy and only managed to 'just pass' my tests. and everyone else was scoring (getting near full marks). i really felt so stupid at that time. yea and finally i managed to somehow miraculously get an 80 overall which is an H1 grade. I felt damn awesome.
so whenever i don't do well for a test now, i'll think about how 'cham' things were with bio med and i actually survived and did better than my other peers who had an initial advantage (cause they did bio before). nothing can be worse than that right. yea so now it seems like i look at things in a more positive manner - if i want to put things in a nicer way. but in the not-so-nice way, i'm actually taking things too easy. i feel like i've lost my 上进心, which is so bad. life's indeed happier now but i'm not sure if that's going to be good in the long term. hate to imagine that my results will just be getting worse and i will still be okay with it. so scary huh. I must do something about it. but then again, i'm trying to make myself feel depressed over lousy results and then cry over split milk. would that do me good? i really don't know. all i know is that i want to do well and make my parents proud of me.

i know i've said this umpteen times but i just feel so so blessed to have such an awesome family. i was hesitating so much about going to cairns but my parents and sis were like so supportive of me to go despite of the high costs. i know they just want me to enjoy myself. and my laptop crashed on me last week and they were encouraging me to get a new lappy asap and mum said "make sure u get a good one, its okay if its more expensive". awww things like this really make me feel so touched. and because mum's coming to melb soon, my family have prepared lots of stuff to bring over for me (clothes, food and whatever not). i saw stuff on the blogshop that i wanted to buy and i told jie and she bought it for me so quickly. Jie's bringing me to bangkok for a shopping spree in dec when i'm back for holidays. i really have the best sister. love her ttm <3 <3 <3
i feel like my family always putting me in top priority, and i'm like not doing my part for the family. to them, i just have to study hard (but they are definitely not stressing me out, cause mummy says i just have to pass cause she knows its tough) and do my best. and here i am, not even doing well enough to meet my expectations. i'm just so disappointed in myself.

sigh i feel like blogging about him, but yea i think this post is emo enough and somehow now, 'he' doesn't seem that important as compared to other more important things like my family. i shouldn't be worrying about that too much right?

.

i feel that i'm so selfish. why do i always just care about myself and not others around me?

i'm glad you found someone cause i know i don't deserve you.

week 7 of uni

my first full upper denture:

(photo is not focused =/)

jie says the gums look high. loll it wouldn't look high in a patient's mouth and it will provide lip support as well.
it was difficult to start a denture from scratch. have to set up the teeth and create the "feel" of a real dentition. though its not perfect, i guess its something for me to be proud of :) and i feel kind of relieved that this full denture thing is over. next up is partial denture!

yea btw i got my test results back. ahhh quite disappointed, but i'll be contented with it. after all, what's more important than to be contented with life?

life's never perfect, right?

ahhh (again), i can't believe i missed a good opportunity this afternoon. nothing too serious, but it could have changed my life.

time to study, study, study!