it's 3+ am already...

...and i'm just done with the transferring of notes for surgery. kind of done with printing all my notes and transferring stuff. but then i haven't studied/memorised these recent notes. i don't think they will be coming out for exams anyways (i hope?!)

not exactly sleepy but i have to get up at 7+am for a lecture at 8am later. better sleep soon i guess.

random stuff...

-just now at 2 am someone triggered the building's fire alarm. the fire engine came but apparently they couldn't find the reason for the triggering of the alarm.

-keep thinking of what happened yesterday and i still get goosebumps. omggg. i'm quite disturbed by it.

-my right shoulder hurts (for no apparent reason?!) ever since i returned to my apt after the fire alarm incident just now. hope it gets better somehow when i wake up later.

-listening to hitoradio online. love the music at this time :)

-not sure if i'm on the right track for revision for exams. u know what i mean, like when u r studying but then u'll think if u should be studying other stuff first or if u r missing out on anything impt. =(

thank God for the past few days when i was more productive.

i'll keep praying :)

good night(morning) world.

hello spring!

just got home from work and the house just feels so empty cause mummy flew back to sg already =( missing her.

i've been so mean to her (the usual me =/) and i swear i know that i'm mean but just can't help it sometimes. i hate myself for being so selfish and grumpy and not knowing how to treasure those around me. i suck i know =(

but but, i did have a great time with mummy (uploaded some pics on fb)! we ate super a lot of good food (both outside and home-cooked). mummy's cooking just rocks ttm. AND WE SHOPPED LIKE CRAZY. hahah i must say, "like daughter, like mother!" i bought so much stuff cause its like the end-of-season sales. damn awesome shopping. i felt so guilty for spending so much money, buying stuff that i can completely live without it. but i told myself i'm earning money, so that's fine. its so bad. =x

i need to try to study some stuff cause i've neglected my work like crazy. mum's here, lots of birthday celebrations (a big one for my good friend coming up after cairns trip), work, cairns trip coming up etc etc. i really want to get onto the groove of studying hard core again. flying to cairns on thurs for a week (super long =x) and so i'm only left with tonight and weds. tmr i'm going to the dent hospital to collect my denture framework for my pt and then meet jin to get some photos of him for printing for friend's birthday. OMG DAMN BUSY =(


i don't know how to describe the situation i'm in now. busy but yet i don't feel like anything is being done. feeling so unaccomplished.
i just need a day to sit down and flip through my notes without any distractions. but its really difficult with thousand and one things going on. maybe after the spring break it'll be better (it better be)!

i hope cairns trip is going to be enjoyable and everything's going to go smoothly. =D

have things changed

had my oral med mid-sem (mcq) this morning. it was an online test which we did in the comp lab and the results came out after u've completed the test. well, i passed but it wasn't a good grade at all. it was a tricky test but i wouldn't use that as an excuse for not doing well. i felt disappointed when i saw my mark. and that was because i've studied quite a bit for this test. after all, i haven't been studying much ever since this sem started as compared to previous sems and i can say for all the time that i've spent studying, all was spent on oral med. i totally hecked dental pract (ortho, rem pros, perio, community dental health) and surgery. i did guess a couple of the questions and was just crossing my fingers that i guessed those questions correctly (if not all, at least some). but apparently i wasn't too lucky today. =(
my disappointment kind of went away quite quickly. which is kind of unlike my previous self. knowing myself very well, i always brood over unhappy stuff. and i realised that the test was 20% of the overall grade for this subject, only after the test. the previous me would always check out the percentage before i even start studying for the test so that i'll be able to 'frighten' (or rather stress) myself to study harder. i always have high expectations of myself. and 20% is definitely a great deal to me. yea it is still a great deal to me now, but somehow i'll be able to convince myself that its alright, there's still the 80% that i'll be able to catch up on. and to make myself feel even better, i'll remind myself about how bad it was in first year first sem when i struggled like crazy with the bio med subject. i studied like crazy and only managed to 'just pass' my tests. and everyone else was scoring (getting near full marks). i really felt so stupid at that time. yea and finally i managed to somehow miraculously get an 80 overall which is an H1 grade. I felt damn awesome.
so whenever i don't do well for a test now, i'll think about how 'cham' things were with bio med and i actually survived and did better than my other peers who had an initial advantage (cause they did bio before). nothing can be worse than that right. yea so now it seems like i look at things in a more positive manner - if i want to put things in a nicer way. but in the not-so-nice way, i'm actually taking things too easy. i feel like i've lost my 上进心, which is so bad. life's indeed happier now but i'm not sure if that's going to be good in the long term. hate to imagine that my results will just be getting worse and i will still be okay with it. so scary huh. I must do something about it. but then again, i'm trying to make myself feel depressed over lousy results and then cry over split milk. would that do me good? i really don't know. all i know is that i want to do well and make my parents proud of me.

i know i've said this umpteen times but i just feel so so blessed to have such an awesome family. i was hesitating so much about going to cairns but my parents and sis were like so supportive of me to go despite of the high costs. i know they just want me to enjoy myself. and my laptop crashed on me last week and they were encouraging me to get a new lappy asap and mum said "make sure u get a good one, its okay if its more expensive". awww things like this really make me feel so touched. and because mum's coming to melb soon, my family have prepared lots of stuff to bring over for me (clothes, food and whatever not). i saw stuff on the blogshop that i wanted to buy and i told jie and she bought it for me so quickly. Jie's bringing me to bangkok for a shopping spree in dec when i'm back for holidays. i really have the best sister. love her ttm <3 <3 <3
i feel like my family always putting me in top priority, and i'm like not doing my part for the family. to them, i just have to study hard (but they are definitely not stressing me out, cause mummy says i just have to pass cause she knows its tough) and do my best. and here i am, not even doing well enough to meet my expectations. i'm just so disappointed in myself.

sigh i feel like blogging about him, but yea i think this post is emo enough and somehow now, 'he' doesn't seem that important as compared to other more important things like my family. i shouldn't be worrying about that too much right?

holidays #2

went to sydney from 30jun - 4jul. we flew by tiger and omg, received the news when we were in sydney that tiger got grounded by the aviation dept. so stupid. yea and we spent half a day in sydney searching for options to go back to melb. i had to go back on time (that is 4 july, if not the latest 5th) cause i was flying to tassie on the 6 jul (and thank God this time i was taking jetstar). flights were expensive so we decided to go by rail (bus was the cheapest but we reckon train would be safer). 11 hours overnight train ride wasn't that bad after all. had to unpack my sydney stuff and pack my stuff for tassie on the 7th. spent half a day watching secret garden. only started watching then and i'm so addicted to the drama. i love hyun bin!! hahaa. yea i was so glued to my laptop that i didn't feel like going to tassie anymore.

sydney trip was okay (more fun than i expected). surprised at myself for remembering how to get around. my sense of direction is really not bad (or i guess getting around sydney is not that difficult). haha
mostly went to places that i've been before but i really don't mind cause they are really nice places that are worth going more than once. went to some places for the first time - manly beach, chat thai (oh man i love the food there) and whale watching. and i shopped quite a bit =/ need to start saving money now!

tassie is a lovely place, but the cold weather kind of made the whole trip less enjoyable. i brought sufficient warm clothings but i still shivered like crazy. the weather was bad. rained everyday =/ and we actually trekked at cradle mountain in the heavy rain in the thick snow for an hour or so. amazed at how i managed to do that. but the scenary was just breathtaking. everything was just covered with snow (kind of reminded me of one of the scene in the kdrama snow queen).

quite relieved to be back in melb after 10 days of travelling. went to maria's friend, jason's house to cook mee siam for them and we had a lazy sunday afternoon tgt, playing wii and just sitting around. jason's apt is really nice (facing crown) but his rent is just so ex. wish i was staying in such a beautiful apt though.

i get so irritated and easily pissed these few days. i don't know why, but i just cannot stand people who say lame things and think they are funny when it is not funny at all. somebody irritated me in person (multiple times) a few days ago and i really feel like asking him to shut up (but obviously i didn't). and another person sent me a text that pissed me off so much that i replied in a very unfriendly tone, and he sensed it so he replied saying that he was 'just joking'. whatever, seriously. and another person pissed me off on fb and i really feel like scolding him on fb but then again, i didn't cause things will become quite awkward i reckon. sigh i know they are doing it unintentionally but still, i'm just uncomfortable with it =/

i must learn to calm down and not get offended so easily.

going to cook something special for dinner - having a mini pot luck with su and tricia. hopefully it'll turn out nice :)

after exams

YES EXAMS ARE OVERRRR. THANK GOD for bringing me through this whole period of stress/uncertainty/homesickness etc etc.

like what i expected, i don't feel excited about being done with exams. just have the finally-i-don't-have-to-study feeling.

went out with parmesh and su for shopping before we met the rest for dinner at this greek restaurant called Aspro Ble. service was awesome, with the owner explaining to us what the dishes on the menu meant and serving us complimentary salad and wine. he's so nice and warm so we ended up giving quite a bit of tips. and the food was good too. but the menu was pretty limited in choices though.
we then went to sit down at TenRen (this chinese tea place) to talk for a bit. was super tired and really tempted to go home but thought that it would be nice to stay and chat for a bit since yc, justin and jin were flying off the next day. so we stayed till super late and it was scary (since its a friday night) walking on the streets when we headed home. some drivers were simply crazy.

sigh i feel so emo now that exams are over. why, i also don't know.
maybe i miss home and should have gone home. pam is in cairns now and i'm already missing her. i don't look forward to going sydney next thurs too. (somehow i'm hoping that the volcanic ash thing will be back and our flight will be cancelled. very very bad of me to be having that thought.)

plans for the weekend. do housework (very urgent! haha) and shopping tomorrow with parmesh before she flies back. and i'm going gym at su's place on sunday. i'm going to start watching secret garden (korean drama) and probably finish it before going to sydney. i hope this sounds exciting enough.

3.16am. time to sleep and wake up to the mess that's in my apt.

goodnight world. tomorrow will be a better day!

last paperrr

3 more hours to the start of my last paper. totally not in the mood to study. i think i'm kind of prepared (or rather i just want to get over and done with it)? just pray for no mental blocks later during the exam.
path is such a self-study subject. the notes are just pictures and u'll have to read up in order to have something to study. so i guess how well we do for this paper depends on how much we read and whether we read the correct stuff.
i really miss being spoon-fed.

i have a feeling that i won't feel damn excited/relieved that exams r over later when it finally ends. maybe cause this whole thing has been dragging and dragging for such a long time that i'm just mentally drained to feel anything. and another reason could be that i'm not going back to sg this winter break. going back home always brings excitement, at least more excitement than staying here. also haven't got much plans for this hol.

cheer myself on,

why

i really don't know what's wrong with me.

:(

=D

feeling super tired after a full day in uni today but i have to prepare for my presentations for tomorrow and wednesday. hope everything goes fine!

received a good news today and i was very surprised when i heard it!

God is indeed faithful. Thank God for everything!

midterms are over!

yippee. so relieved that midterms are over. i only had 2 midterms and they didn't take up too much of a proportion of the final grade so maybe its not that crucial that i do extremely well for it.. but nevertheless, i tried my best for the studying bit.

but but,today's pathology test sucks big time. its mcq (my "best" friend =x ). i was stunned at the first question and then the questions after that. so damn tricky! i had to make a choice between 2 answers for many questions. and this is like the worse ever thing that can happen during mcq. u know what i mean. but yea, i hope i made clever guesses. everyone found the test difficult apparently which is surprising to me cause i thought i was the only one struggling).

just Thank God that everything's over.

celebrated yuky's birthday at this restaurant-bar and we headed to this dessert place for hot taro milk tea. felt really relaxed.
its 1.30am now but i'm just going to watch my taiwanese variety shows to reward myself after all the hard work.

having awesome plans ahead (: tmr will be groceries shopping, going to post office to collect my parcel and then off to gym at parmesh's apartment and i'll cook dinner for her (: good friday will be yum cha with pam + sze ling. and then i'll probably bake something over the weekend (having the urge to bake). and then get ready for grampians trip.

can't really shelve my studying though. got presentations and work to catch up on.

jiayouuu (:

.

i feel that i'm so selfish. why do i always just care about myself and not others around me?

i'm glad you found someone cause i know i don't deserve you.

love my daddy

this is my daddy's last week in melb before he heads back to Sg. *sighhh* i know i'm going to miss him plenty, even though i've been really mean to him many times during this trip. =(
stress is getting the better of me, that i can't control how i treat those around me. (oh and i realised that i DO clench my teeth when i'm sleeping recently. it is definitely THE sign of stress. =// i need to make an occlusal splint for myself soon)


i'm already used to having Dad in my apartment, waiting for me to come home and cook my meals. such a nice, warm feeling.


sometimes u know that you shouldn't take things for granted, but u still do. =(

thoughts

met this guy who's a final year dentistry student from perth today. he's really interesting and it felt kind of good to be talking to someone who knows stuff that u know. and i realised that i'm enjoying (even more now) conversing with locals (australians). either they are interesting people or asians/singaporeans are just boring people.

now that i'm back home, i thought i would be able to enjoy life and not think of anything. but i don't know why, once again, i've been thinking about a lot of things that's making me v worried + confused. would really appreciate people around me to not make me more worried + confused about things. like sometimes, maybe just leave me alone? i don't know what to do to make myself feel better. :( and i'm really bad at dealing with relationships (with family and friends).. sighh.

pray.

live, love and laugh

i feel so blessed with abundant love from my family and friends. i do feel this way usually, but this feeling is especially strong today (:

spoke to my family for a long time just now in the evening (i think its the longest time we talked over the phone, excluding skype) and it made me really happy. i called my dad's mobile and he greeted me in an especially cheerful manner - it was quite funny now that i think of it (cause he sounded a bit high), but it felt really good. i love my daddy! and then we talked before passing the phone around to my mum and sis (as usual). every one sounded so happy and excited (not because i called... its just the occasionally 'high' feeling that we get from spending time together as a family). and this really makes me miss spending quality time with them. its the weekends when we would just spend time tgt at home either in front of the tv, or in our rooms where my dad would be playing comp games, and we would talk and laugh about stuff that can be really silly (especially making fun of my mum that makes us laugh like mad - my mum's just so cute!). yes, we sound crazy as a family (act childish and stuff), its just that nice and warm feeling that makes me feel very attached to my family. My family gives me strength and makes my life so purposeful. i feel so blessed =D

and my lao gong sent me an e-mail once again! :D love receiving her e-mails cause they make me laugh. i'm really thankful for her love! this e-mail was really funny cause she said how she saw the dental ball photos and said that i wanted to seduce some guys. and some guys were worthy to be her love rival. blah blah blah. yes she's just so crappy but i love her crappiness! i called her immediately (that's what i always do when i received her e-mail cause i'm just so excited to talk to her that i wouldn't want to reply by e-mail and wait for her reply. had quite a short conversation but it was nice catching up with her. just want to tell her to jiayou! i love her so much!

pam's really sweet to give tricia and me a mooncake cause we were just craving so much for it. my dad got lots of Tung Lok mooncakes (which are for goodness sake, super duper yummy) in singapore - I WANTTT TO EAT SO BADLY! i cannot wait to go back Singapore! the spring weather is crazy (wind, please stop blowing) and its making me wanting to go back singapore even more.

love all my family and friends!

1 month back in melb

time really flies. the fifth week of sch has just ended.

i feel kind of good now (like this moment), for some reason. cause maybe its friday night. but i don't usually feel like that on fridays in melb. i love friday nights in sg, cause i have nothing to worry about since work can be left for the weekends. and weekends! i love having nice dinners with my family. [pardon me for talking about home again]. just so glad to have a sg landline here (i love starhub for that!), so i can call any sg line for free. YAYNESS! yes and so i've been calling home every day. but i feel more homesick after that though. :( i just love my family so so much!

and i'm really thankful to be in touch (regularly) with my closest friends [esp yuting, my laogong and shu yi] =D i call my laogong almost everyday, and we talk to each other like before when i was still in sg. it feels so good that everything hasn't changed. really treasure my dears =D i get really touched when i receive an sms from sg asking how am i doing etc. oh i love sms-ing yuting dear! =D and i really hope they'll jiayou for the stressful uni life in sg! i really want to be there for them when they need someone cause they are really ALWAYS there for me when i need them. love them! yup things will EVENTUALLY be fine (that's how i always psycho myself). we'll pull through! =D [haha but seriously, if i'm given a choice, i would rather be stressed in sg than in melb.]

glad that this sem is not as stressful as last sem. but its still stressful taking histology & embryology and anatomy. had 2 sessions of anatomy dissection (we don't dissect this sem, we only study the dissected parts). its not that scary i guess. like even when we see the head only. got lots more to talk about anatomy disssection (and other things)- after all, i haven't been updating for so long. busy and plain lazy i guess.

hmmm i've been thinking a lot since i came back. sighhh, if only things were simpler. really want to write all my thoughts down here, but its really hard to organise everything. even telling someone about it can be difficult. cause i'll just end up with a "i-dunno-la"... it just difficult to express some things.

shall talk about more light-hearted things... was craving for durian the past few days and so i went freddos with pam, debb, stef and tricia to eat my durian ice-cream! it was heavenly! okay i know i sound desperate. lol. freddos really rocks! =D =D =D

i need to go karaoke so badly! its not very expensive here and the songs that i sing are available. its just the company - where's my kbox kakis :(

home's still the best.

thoughts

i read a note that my friend from dent wrote on fb, and i feel very strongly for it, esp this paragraph,

"when for weeks you've been praying for wisdom, trying to seek God's will, seeking a direction or a kind of certainty, trusting in faith and comforted only by the promise that the Lord will answer your prayers in His own good time.. and just when you begin to feel a little too weary, the Lord answers your call for help, and gives you a very certain assurance that He will direct your paths!"


and so i keep my family and friends in prayer =D