still homesick

i thought things would improve. but it didn't... i'm so afraid that i might irritate my (singapore) friends when i keep telling them i'm terribly homesick. and its like they can't help much also. and i myself don't know what they can do to make me feel better. i just needed to tell some of my friends about my homesickness cause i cannot bear to tell my family. they will worry about me and i hate it when they do so. whenever my parents/jie ask me to take care of myself over the phone, i just could almost burst out crying. i simply don't want to cry over the phone. but i think its a matter of time that i'll just burst out crying over the phone cause its just too hard to control my emotions.

i'm so disappointed with myself for screwing up the second test. i could say i did my best whether its the studying part or the actual test. but it just didn't turn out the way i wanted it to be. sigh. why does this ALWAYS ALWAYS happen? hate to think that i'm stupid and lousy and unlucky and whatever but i seriously cannot help it. ohh man, i'm finding it so difficult to breathe in this course cause its just so demanding and everyone is darn smart. i mean there's hardly any time u can slack. its super hiong. =x and its only the first year... what's going to happen in the later years. for first year, we'll just have to pass cause its not counted towards honours. hate to use this to console myself whenever i think i did badly for something cause its just so sad. sigh sigh sigh. i'm taking things too hard, especially when it comes to results. its useless to tell myself to be stronger, cause its really easier said than done.

really grateful to my friends and loved ones who are keeping me in prayer. appreciate everyone's love (:

moody

i'm officially homesick. i so want to see my daddy, mummy and jie [especially my jie] :( :( :( i really miss them so much. sighhh studying for ibs made me so depressed that i cannot stop feeling sad and crying. i feel so demoralised whenever i think about ibs. i need support from my family so badly!

getting v moody nowadays. lots and lots of things running through my mind that i'll just feel like breaking down whenever i cannot take it anymore. its just so torturous that i have to pretend that i'm alright and taking things easy. the only good thing is that i have pam around to give me some support [i'll always call and talk to her when i'm feeling so terrible], but still, i don't dare to cry in front of her (though i'm dying to] cause i think she'll worry about me, and this is bad cause she is already stressed by sch. i love pam so much.

went ballarat today with a group of friends. wasn't in the mood to enjoy myself. anyway i slept really late last night (past 4am) and woke up at 7 today cause we were meeting at southern cross station. am tired now but i don't feel like sleeping yet. somehow now i feel that i dislike sleeping. what's wrong with me. i'm going to wake up early to do some gym tmr cause i think i put on a lot of weight. i seriously hate to put on weight.

i'm feeling so terrible :(

just another day

had clinic (that's how we call our clinical session) today. my mind totally drifted [maybe due to late hours]. not thinking of anything but also not concentrating on what the nurse was saying. felt sad cause i like clinics compared to the other boring lectures and i actually didn't enjoy the session. we are having clinic this thurs again. hopefully it will turn out fine this time.

made pancakes after dinner today and called debbie and jas over for some pancakes. its just so nice to have friends staying in the same place cause there's company (:

not sure what's the arrangement during the winter break.. have to arrange soon! maybe my parents are coming over [it'll be cool if they come, i can bring them around!] or maybe i'll go back singapore. i miss everyone!

:(

feeling sad again! i hate it when bad stuff keeps happening cause just when u start to get over the previous thing, another one comes along.

i'm getting v clumsy and careless nowadays :( always bump onto stuff at home and get bruises on my knee. always get cuts/burns when cooking. and i just spoiled the pyrex ware lid. so my pyrex does not have a lid. damn sad cause i use it to cook shephard's pie and bake apple crumble with it. and pyrex is expensive :(

quite sad that i've no one here to talk to about such trivial stuff (except maybe pamella).. okay i guess actually its not that my friends won't listen, its just that i don't want to bother them about such stuff. it'll sound quite silly also right.

i'm becoming quite emotional over small (of course also big) things :( hope things'll get better.

the daylight savings started yesterday which means we have an extra hour. its only a 2 hours time diff from singapore now. that's good.

the sg/aussie exchange rate is getting lousier. i need to start saving more money.

sigh

i'm feeling stressed. not really looking forward to easter hols even though we've got some plans cause there's lots of work to catch up during the week. everything's moving at such a fast rate that its really difficult to breathe. i really wonder how the dent pple in nus can survive. seriously. or prob i think i might be able to survive better in singapore since i've got direct support from my family. being in aust, i have to endure everything by myself. i feel as if its exam period all the time. yes that's how stressful it is. pretty worried that i won't be able to cope. sighhh.

okay unhappy stuff aside, i'll be going ballarat during easter for a one-day trip with some of the dent pple. then we'll also go to one of the suburb on another day. hopefully it'll be fun.

i need to stop:
#1 shopping [spent so much during march (it hit four-digit, omg), cause there's the end-of-summer sales]
#2 watching my taiwan shows on youtube. [ its so addictive i swear, that i just cannot stop opening new tabs to load the videos.]
#3 sleeping past 2am and 3am everyday. [yes i know its bad for health but i need to study and at the same time, watch my shows.]
#4 eating so much [its really scary. cause easter is coming, so there's lots of cheap and damn good chocs around - i love the tiramisu choc that i just bought. could finish the whole big bar in 2 days. and just had dinner + dessert at lygon with the singaporeans. i feel so full now ]
#5 worrying [i really really cannot help it :( ]


good luck to me.