:'( and :')

still trying to get over what happened. and i'm so dreading this week, esp tomorrow. Lord, please give me strength to overcome my fears.

i've been thinking way too much, feeling upset about stuff that i should have already gotten over. but u know how there's just some triggers (e.g. people around u) which remind u of unhappy stuff (but of course they don't do it intentionally) which just pulls u back down to where u started off.

anyways kind of relieved that OSCE was over yesterday. holidays have started, but not on a good note, and definitely not the way i want it to start. i keep reminding myself that God've made plans for me, and i should accept them and make the most out of what i'm going through.

so the consequence of thinking too much, is waking up at 6am on the first day of my holiday (after sleeping past 2am the night before). been sleep-deficient the previous nights. i wonder how my mind even have the energy to think about stuff. and crying the moment u wake up isn't a good start to the day. i thought tomorrow is always a better day?

didn't join the rest for post-exam dinner yesterday (didn't want people to sense that i was unhappy), but instead, had dinner with su and joseph (my favourite couple). hanging out with them kind of cheered me up a little. they are just so reassuring. like when they tell u not to think about it, u will really be kind of convinced to not think about it (though its not a lasting effect but at least it works for a while). so glad to have them around. on a side note, su showed me this korean singer that totally made my day and she sent me some pic of me and him side-by-side that she put tgt. awww she's too sweet :)

and my other awesome friends - mitch, yt, jm and parmesh, thanks for showing concern/trying to make me feel better. 

mum has been praying esp hard for me this period and i know my family gives me the utmost moral support. appreciate all that they have done :')

for now, i'll stay strong :')

:( stressed,

but i know i shouldn't be complaining cause i'm not the only one who is in this situation.
it's just part of life, isn't it.
i get frustrated when i can't remember the stuff that i have memorised. after all, its 9 subjects that i'm studying for monday's osce. there are 9 days in swot vac so it's perpetually studying 1 subject a day. but i'm just pushing on, even though i know my brain is saturated already.



"Humble yourselves before the Lord and he'll lift you up."
James 4:10

down :(

hate it whenever i have to post something with the title containing ':('

but i guess i don't have choice cause i'm really feeling down.

 

did my first extractions of 2 retained roots and suture (!!!) today, but somehow, i don't feel happy/excited. 

cause maybe i fumbled quite a bit and didn't get things right the first time.

and i'm worried about getting a suitable pt for my case pres. and getting an endo pt. most prob i can't complete an endo case this sem. just because i wasted time on a particular pt who couldn't be bothered to come. so damn annoyed with her. 

so many things to worry about. sigh. this is just life, isn't it?

talking to mitch kind of makes me feel happy, but then again, we talk for hours over the phone. hours that can be spent on studying, talking to my family (which i feel bad for not calling them sometimes) and doing other useful stuff like exercising. lol but seriously and honestly, i wouldn't exactly see it as a waste of time. i'm glad that i've got a good guy friend whom i can tell him anything under the sun.

should i follow his advice about what i should do next? idk. =( 

i'm just such a confused person. being my friends can be a really tiring thing. thanks friends for being there for me :)

 

damn tired

feeling so tired and dizzy after a 9am-9.30pm day. yes, i had perio clinic in the morning, gp clinic in the afternoon and emergency duty at night. had like 5 mins for dinner? =( felt like i was the one needing emergency tx in the emergency clinic.

and guess what, i have endo clinic tmr afternoon.

confused

seems like history is repeating itself.

good or bad, i really don't know.

anyhow, my prayer was answered.

boreddd

don't get the wrong idea that i've got nothing to do and simply just slacking my way through 4th year. cause the fact is that i'm getting really distracted and lazy and uninterested in many things. i tried watching dramas to perk myself up cause that's what seems to work for me last time whenever i can't focus on studying. but sadly, not anymore.

and i sleep early, wake up late. what a horrible lifestyle.

*MEGA SIGH*

reflections

been unable to focus on doing my readings (fixed pros is just too dry and endo isn't that interesting too). maybe i'm still in the holiday mood. or maybe there are just too many distractions.

today's sermon topic was interesting - why should we live life to the fullest?
and it got me thinking,

thinking,

and thinking.

Jeremy lin's videos are just flooding my fb newsfeed. and i started watching the videos. One of it is an interview of him and his mum. it really got me. found out that he's such a God-loving christian. it got me a bit emotional, cause whatever he says is so true.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart (Jeremiah 29:11-13, NIV).

Praise the Lord:)

full

i feel so full and i simply hate the feeling of fullness. went to east coast for dinner at 4.30 (yes, at 4.30) cause dad wanted to avoid having to wait for available parking lots. i was super unwilling and i know i showed it all on my face. felt bad cause i know i should have tried to be more understanding, and think about others and not only myself. (sigh i know i'm going to regret behaving like this once i return back to melb.) why do we do certain things even though we know we'll regret our actions later?

been slacking like crazy. i simply lie on my bed and watch my variety shows whenever i'm at home. damn lazy. i should be reading up on endo, extraction, fixed pros etc., knowing that i'm going to be stressed during the intensive period (first few weeks of the semester) if i don't pre-read stuff.

i'm going to KTP for attachment the coming week. what a way to end my holidays. hopefully i'll learn stuff, meet new dentists whom can give us valuable advice, and not feel bored. difficult to not feel bored though.

merry xmas :)

christmas this year was filled with so much love from family and friends :)

exactly one more month to my return to melb. fourth year's going to be exciting but stressful ttm. till then, it's going to be more eating, watching dramas and slacking :)

have things changed

had my oral med mid-sem (mcq) this morning. it was an online test which we did in the comp lab and the results came out after u've completed the test. well, i passed but it wasn't a good grade at all. it was a tricky test but i wouldn't use that as an excuse for not doing well. i felt disappointed when i saw my mark. and that was because i've studied quite a bit for this test. after all, i haven't been studying much ever since this sem started as compared to previous sems and i can say for all the time that i've spent studying, all was spent on oral med. i totally hecked dental pract (ortho, rem pros, perio, community dental health) and surgery. i did guess a couple of the questions and was just crossing my fingers that i guessed those questions correctly (if not all, at least some). but apparently i wasn't too lucky today. =(
my disappointment kind of went away quite quickly. which is kind of unlike my previous self. knowing myself very well, i always brood over unhappy stuff. and i realised that the test was 20% of the overall grade for this subject, only after the test. the previous me would always check out the percentage before i even start studying for the test so that i'll be able to 'frighten' (or rather stress) myself to study harder. i always have high expectations of myself. and 20% is definitely a great deal to me. yea it is still a great deal to me now, but somehow i'll be able to convince myself that its alright, there's still the 80% that i'll be able to catch up on. and to make myself feel even better, i'll remind myself about how bad it was in first year first sem when i struggled like crazy with the bio med subject. i studied like crazy and only managed to 'just pass' my tests. and everyone else was scoring (getting near full marks). i really felt so stupid at that time. yea and finally i managed to somehow miraculously get an 80 overall which is an H1 grade. I felt damn awesome.
so whenever i don't do well for a test now, i'll think about how 'cham' things were with bio med and i actually survived and did better than my other peers who had an initial advantage (cause they did bio before). nothing can be worse than that right. yea so now it seems like i look at things in a more positive manner - if i want to put things in a nicer way. but in the not-so-nice way, i'm actually taking things too easy. i feel like i've lost my 上进心, which is so bad. life's indeed happier now but i'm not sure if that's going to be good in the long term. hate to imagine that my results will just be getting worse and i will still be okay with it. so scary huh. I must do something about it. but then again, i'm trying to make myself feel depressed over lousy results and then cry over split milk. would that do me good? i really don't know. all i know is that i want to do well and make my parents proud of me.

i know i've said this umpteen times but i just feel so so blessed to have such an awesome family. i was hesitating so much about going to cairns but my parents and sis were like so supportive of me to go despite of the high costs. i know they just want me to enjoy myself. and my laptop crashed on me last week and they were encouraging me to get a new lappy asap and mum said "make sure u get a good one, its okay if its more expensive". awww things like this really make me feel so touched. and because mum's coming to melb soon, my family have prepared lots of stuff to bring over for me (clothes, food and whatever not). i saw stuff on the blogshop that i wanted to buy and i told jie and she bought it for me so quickly. Jie's bringing me to bangkok for a shopping spree in dec when i'm back for holidays. i really have the best sister. love her ttm <3 <3 <3
i feel like my family always putting me in top priority, and i'm like not doing my part for the family. to them, i just have to study hard (but they are definitely not stressing me out, cause mummy says i just have to pass cause she knows its tough) and do my best. and here i am, not even doing well enough to meet my expectations. i'm just so disappointed in myself.

sigh i feel like blogging about him, but yea i think this post is emo enough and somehow now, 'he' doesn't seem that important as compared to other more important things like my family. i shouldn't be worrying about that too much right?

22ND BIRTHDAY :D

had a lovely birthday :DDD

i should have posted about my birthday earlier cause now i'm really very lazy to do a proper post on it.

yea basically, my friends gave me a surprise (thanks to my dearest su and parmesh who tricked me) the day before my birthday. i have to admit that i didn't suspect anything until just before the surprise. cause the girls said they were going to celebrate my birthday on the actual day and so i didn't thought it would be the day before. love the surprise party (with good food!), presents, cards etc. for those who gave me personal presents/cards, i really appreciate your thoughts. u guys are just so sweet <3

skyped with my family for like 3+ hours on my birthday and i definitely felt the love from them. :DD

was telling parmesh/su that i don't really feel like celebrating my bday (esp now that i'm not young anymore), maybe just with closer friends (like a mini celebration). its more personal and it makes me feel more comfortable/less awkward (if u know what i mean). but yeaa just want to say a BIG THANKS to those around me, making me feel loved and cherished! xx

my 22nd birthday resolution:


THANK GOD for making my life so amazing. :DDD

happy day

i feel happy today even though,
i've been slacking too much and wasting my time (not doing anything useful since uni started); and
i got woken up by parmesh's calls yesterday and this morning which kinda shocked me (and i really don't like getting shocks in the morning); and
i went to uni today even though its my official free day (still can't believe that my group is so lucky to have every thurs off).

YEA, but still happy,because,
its my MUMMY'S BIRTHDAY today! and i called her just now to wish her and she was happy + excited from receiving my birthday wishes (so cute right) and i'm happy whenever mummy's happy; and
i kind of enjoyed assisting parmesh today in the clinic (actually glad that i went to assist her. i'll be wasting my time at home anyways and i get to meet my friends in the clinic and chat with them. loll); and
i can watch city hunter (with ENG SUBS) tonight. second last episode though. i'll miss lee min ho! hahaha

life's good when u feel good. =D but but, i need to start being disciplined (study more and eat less!).

yea and i'm so not looking forward to celebrating my birthday with friends. i don't like to celebrate with a big group of friends. prefer small groups' celebration and like to celebrate with my family the most. mummy said when she come to melb in late aug, she'll celebrate with me a super belated one. awww she's the best :D but yea its alright, not that i really want my birthday to be celebrated. i seriously don't mind just staying at home and do what i like to do.

holidays #6 - say hello to year 3 sem 2

before i forget,
here's the bread and butter pudding that i made. first attempt at making and it was really quite a success. loll doesn't look that appetizing tho.


what it looks like inside:



had a crazy last day of holiday today. long story and i'm simply too lazy to get into the details. but yea, just a lot of rushing from places to places after church with some crazy friends. loll.

jasmine arrived in melb today and i got my stuff (including the loupes that i ordered) from her. big thanks to her for helping me to bring over some stuff from sg).




yes this thing called loupes is freaking expensive (S$1,700) but it is also because i got the 'branded' one and with the Oakley frame. HAI. but my rationale is that i'm going to use it throughout my course+career (hopefully) so i guess its worth it to get the more expensive one.
i'm going to try to start using the loupes on my patients within these few weeks and see how it goes.

i've been trying to read up on rem pros notes since last monday and its really a TORTURE. studying during holidays never work out (at least, for me).
tomorrow i'll just be taking history + oral exam + impression for my rem pros patient so i won't need that much of new technical knowledge. haven't met this patient before but he sounds okay (rather friendly) on the phone. mr xx, pleaseee be nice to me.

timetable this sem is really slack (but the subjects are definitely not easy). loll i actually have my thurs off officially. BUT, i kind of have to assist parmesh in her clinical session though its definitely not a must. sighh, how awesome it is to get a day off but oh wells, i'll just take it as an opportunity to learn from my peers.

haven't got back all our results and i'm getting very scared. but yea, i always believe that God has a plan for us and i'll accept whatever He gives to me :)

holidays #5 - one more week of hols

omg just one more week to uni reopening. SIGH.

felt like i haven't slacked enough. i've got lots of things - big/small; important/unimportant; urgent/not urgent - to do and i'm trying to do them diligently one step at a time.

i've been watching city hunter (already caught up with what's showing in korea now and waiting for this week's episodes to be uploaded). loll i've been really desperate for internet cause i've been using too much that its running low and so i had to use my iphone to watch and head over to friends' houses to watch. this is really bad i know.

there's more dramas that i want to watch but i highly doubt that there's time and internet allowance for me to do so :( kind of abandoned my taiwanese variety shows for kdramas this holiday. kdramas are really really addictive.

besides watching dramas diligently, i've been cleaning my apt and doing laundry almost every day. don't ask me why, but housework and laundry seems never-ending or maybe cause i feel like i've got time, so i decided to maintain the cleanliness of my apt which is not exactly that necessary. just see how i survived through the past sem with once-every-two weeks of thorough housework and the place still seemed reasonably clean.

i should really get down to doing some more serious/important/meaningful stuff. like, revising prosthodontics (in exactly a week's time, i'll have to start my pros treatment for my pt), calling all my patients to arrange for appts/reviews etc, check out the books that i'll need for the coming sem (which i might have to go to lib at uni - it just sucks to go back to uni during holidays =/ ), EXERCISING, meeting up with friends that i'm supposed to meet up during the hols, looking for a part-time job (getting so lazy to do so) ETC ETC.

lazy ttm.

holidays #3 - secret garden :)

i've finished watching secret garden yesterday! awwww, hyun bin is sweet ttm. i liked him in other shows but he is just so cute in this show! :) hahaha.
started watching city hunter (another k drama) and i'm not yet addicted to it, probably cause the cast is not that attractive (loll), except maybe lee min ho.
have to start pacing myself or else i'll have no more internet left when uni starts. =/

i feel so lazy and comfortable lying on my bed, staring at my laptop, finding websites to surf and watching dramas. i kind of like this kind of lifestyle (staying at home and not going out). holidays ftw! :)

tomorrow i'll be hanging out at maria's house where we'll be baking :) i should really be disciplined and stop indulging in food (finished a whole tray of white choco tim tams in an hour yesterday. ohgosh.) but its uncontrollable and i swear i really feel hungry sometimes.

friday night i'll be watching fireworks at docklands (some winter event that only takes place during july) with su and tricia. i'm trying to curb my urge to go out and shop cause i think i've shopped enough and its really time to save money =/

i'm quite happy with my life now :)

after exams

YES EXAMS ARE OVERRRR. THANK GOD for bringing me through this whole period of stress/uncertainty/homesickness etc etc.

like what i expected, i don't feel excited about being done with exams. just have the finally-i-don't-have-to-study feeling.

went out with parmesh and su for shopping before we met the rest for dinner at this greek restaurant called Aspro Ble. service was awesome, with the owner explaining to us what the dishes on the menu meant and serving us complimentary salad and wine. he's so nice and warm so we ended up giving quite a bit of tips. and the food was good too. but the menu was pretty limited in choices though.
we then went to sit down at TenRen (this chinese tea place) to talk for a bit. was super tired and really tempted to go home but thought that it would be nice to stay and chat for a bit since yc, justin and jin were flying off the next day. so we stayed till super late and it was scary (since its a friday night) walking on the streets when we headed home. some drivers were simply crazy.

sigh i feel so emo now that exams are over. why, i also don't know.
maybe i miss home and should have gone home. pam is in cairns now and i'm already missing her. i don't look forward to going sydney next thurs too. (somehow i'm hoping that the volcanic ash thing will be back and our flight will be cancelled. very very bad of me to be having that thought.)

plans for the weekend. do housework (very urgent! haha) and shopping tomorrow with parmesh before she flies back. and i'm going gym at su's place on sunday. i'm going to start watching secret garden (korean drama) and probably finish it before going to sydney. i hope this sounds exciting enough.

3.16am. time to sleep and wake up to the mess that's in my apt.

goodnight world. tomorrow will be a better day!

almost there but not there yet

med paper was erm.. okay.
BUT, it was a choose-5-out-of-8 essay questions kind of paper. and i sort of had a (very) difficult time choosing my 5th question to do. and guess what. i think i made the wrong choice. cause halfway through, i felt as if i was a bit bullshitting along. hopefully the lecturer is lenient and thinks that i make some sense. and i really really pray that my other 4 questions can make it.

next paper (and FINAL ONE (FINALLY)!) is this friday. pathology part II.

i've been updating about my exam papers and it sounds like i'm taking so many subjects right. but actually everything adds up to 100% (they call it Oral Health Sciences 3 to put it really nicely from their point of view) even though each of them are different subjects. med, path and pharm. all are crazily hardcore subjects (we study like shit for each and every one of them) but they are only worth 30%, 30% and 40%. so not worth it. seriouslyy.
its not like we can put in 30% or 40% of effort for each of them.

this friday's paper is worth 18% of OSH 3. sounds little but still have to chiong if i don't want to screw the whole OHS grade up.
(but i'm taking a break tonight first. really need a rest la)

this morning was just so stressful. that's why i don't like afternoon papers. u feel like u have to study once through again in the morning cause u don't want to be slacking away just before your paper. and i barely finished my 2nd round of revision at 1pm and my paper starts at 2pm.

after dinner, i went over to pam's place to borrow a plaster cause i cut my finger yet again. and we chatted for pretty long (what we always do whenever we go over to each other's unit). her last paper is this wed, then she's headed to cairns and then back to melb for a few days before heading back to sg for good.
sigh. i'll miss her so badly.
i rely so much on her. i'm just so scared that i'll feel lost next sem without her around.

yesterday when i was cramming for med, i remembered that it was tw's golden melody awards on saturday so i went to check who won what. and ya, jay chou won two big awards. good on him. haha. i'm seriously weird. stressing over my exams and at the same time can be bothered over such things. but these are good distractions, aren't they.

last paper, go go go!

last day of year 3 sem 1

okay, not officially halfway through the course cause there's still exams, but we are nearly there right? :)

many of my friends have already embarked on their grad trip and i'm really happy for them that they have graduated. not feeling sour that i still have such a long way to go (actually not that long cause time will fly) cause i'm really enjoying what i'm studying and i'm glad i made it this far already. Praise God for everything :)

coming up is swot vac (study break). dreading it totally :( been so slack this sem.. didn't make much notes as compared to previous semesters (cause i think the lecture notes are kind of sufficient?). yea but still, i feel kind of inadequate. have to admit that i'm not as driven as before. :(

hopefully i won't do too badly this sem. seriously, who doesn't want to do well?

EASTER HOLIDAYS (:

i've been wanting to do a post at the start of easter holidays, but then i just couldn't complete one full post on thurs and yesterday cause there are simply too much stuff going on.
if i want to prepare for my presentations, do some revision (i doubt this'll ever be achieved), prepare for grampians trip, go and eat the food that i've been craving for, cook and bake good stuff for myself and friends, meet up with friends that i haven't met since i came back, do housework regularly, watch my shows regularly, exercise (not very possible too) -- all these during my ONE WEEK of easter break!? haha no way.
there's just too little time to do everything.

how come i feel more busy than last easter when i spent almost the whole of the easter break in sydney. now i'm only going to spend 3 days in grampians and i have more days to accomplish other stuff.

FOOD. yea this is something that i've been indulging myself so much into that i've gained terribly lots of weight (i didn't weigh myself, but i can sense it somehow). :( will be trekking in grampians, so i reckon that's some form of exercise?

i love my cooking! haha i've been spending more time cooking and i think my cooking skills have improved. hehe. spend most of my time looking at recipes when i'm online and i'm just so so tempted to try out so many of them. FOOD IS REALLY LOVE (:


aglio olio (which i cooked for a potluck early this semester).


carrot cake! love it.


aww i've got more photos of food to upload but blogger is being just uncooperative.

making something like belachan chicken for michelle's housewarming tonight and chocolate easter eggs for sophie's birthday tomorrow. so many potlucks this sem and i'm running out of ideas already =S

happy easter everyone!

(shall continue with my ortho and perio presentations. what a mood spoiler =/ )