boreddd

don't get the wrong idea that i've got nothing to do and simply just slacking my way through 4th year. cause the fact is that i'm getting really distracted and lazy and uninterested in many things. i tried watching dramas to perk myself up cause that's what seems to work for me last time whenever i can't focus on studying. but sadly, not anymore.

and i sleep early, wake up late. what a horrible lifestyle.

*MEGA SIGH*

:)

THANK GOD for patients who are very understanding :)

i really feel bad for always having to call patients to reschedule appts =(

today wasn't a very productive day. because half of the time, i was just planning the new zealand trip for the winter break. the trip is going to be costly =S am considering to resume work at that old place, but i'm not sure if i can handle the workload (but to be honest, i'm not utilising time wisely when i'm at home.) so maybe i should start working (provided that place has work for me).

watched This Means War yesterday and it was really funny. LOLL, haven't had a good laugh for a long time.

on the way back home, friend mentioned that i'm overly-optimistic after some random conversation about going to church. and i agree that i am, cause i know myself that i'm trying very hard not to be unhappy over trivial things (like what i always do in the past). i've changed, to a stronger person :)

reflections

been unable to focus on doing my readings (fixed pros is just too dry and endo isn't that interesting too). maybe i'm still in the holiday mood. or maybe there are just too many distractions.

today's sermon topic was interesting - why should we live life to the fullest?
and it got me thinking,

thinking,

and thinking.

Jeremy lin's videos are just flooding my fb newsfeed. and i started watching the videos. One of it is an interview of him and his mum. it really got me. found out that he's such a God-loving christian. it got me a bit emotional, cause whatever he says is so true.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart (Jeremiah 29:11-13, NIV).

Praise the Lord:)

full

i feel so full and i simply hate the feeling of fullness. went to east coast for dinner at 4.30 (yes, at 4.30) cause dad wanted to avoid having to wait for available parking lots. i was super unwilling and i know i showed it all on my face. felt bad cause i know i should have tried to be more understanding, and think about others and not only myself. (sigh i know i'm going to regret behaving like this once i return back to melb.) why do we do certain things even though we know we'll regret our actions later?

been slacking like crazy. i simply lie on my bed and watch my variety shows whenever i'm at home. damn lazy. i should be reading up on endo, extraction, fixed pros etc., knowing that i'm going to be stressed during the intensive period (first few weeks of the semester) if i don't pre-read stuff.

i'm going to KTP for attachment the coming week. what a way to end my holidays. hopefully i'll learn stuff, meet new dentists whom can give us valuable advice, and not feel bored. difficult to not feel bored though.

upset...

with myself for being grumpy, selfish, full of myself, not being understanding towards others, and many other things.

so, what happened to one of my 2012 resolutions of wanting to be nicer to those around me? :( a bad start.

i must try (much) harder.


some things just affect me so much that i feel really bad/upset. how i wish i can be of help to those around me :(

sad things aside, i met up with my laogong today and the meet-up really made me happy (meeting her always make me happy).

been going out very often and spending a lot of money. i always have this sudden urge to graduate and earn money so that i won't have to spend my parents' money. 2 more years. CAN'T WAIT!

Lord, i pray for a better 2012 for my loved ones.

have things changed

had my oral med mid-sem (mcq) this morning. it was an online test which we did in the comp lab and the results came out after u've completed the test. well, i passed but it wasn't a good grade at all. it was a tricky test but i wouldn't use that as an excuse for not doing well. i felt disappointed when i saw my mark. and that was because i've studied quite a bit for this test. after all, i haven't been studying much ever since this sem started as compared to previous sems and i can say for all the time that i've spent studying, all was spent on oral med. i totally hecked dental pract (ortho, rem pros, perio, community dental health) and surgery. i did guess a couple of the questions and was just crossing my fingers that i guessed those questions correctly (if not all, at least some). but apparently i wasn't too lucky today. =(
my disappointment kind of went away quite quickly. which is kind of unlike my previous self. knowing myself very well, i always brood over unhappy stuff. and i realised that the test was 20% of the overall grade for this subject, only after the test. the previous me would always check out the percentage before i even start studying for the test so that i'll be able to 'frighten' (or rather stress) myself to study harder. i always have high expectations of myself. and 20% is definitely a great deal to me. yea it is still a great deal to me now, but somehow i'll be able to convince myself that its alright, there's still the 80% that i'll be able to catch up on. and to make myself feel even better, i'll remind myself about how bad it was in first year first sem when i struggled like crazy with the bio med subject. i studied like crazy and only managed to 'just pass' my tests. and everyone else was scoring (getting near full marks). i really felt so stupid at that time. yea and finally i managed to somehow miraculously get an 80 overall which is an H1 grade. I felt damn awesome.
so whenever i don't do well for a test now, i'll think about how 'cham' things were with bio med and i actually survived and did better than my other peers who had an initial advantage (cause they did bio before). nothing can be worse than that right. yea so now it seems like i look at things in a more positive manner - if i want to put things in a nicer way. but in the not-so-nice way, i'm actually taking things too easy. i feel like i've lost my 上进心, which is so bad. life's indeed happier now but i'm not sure if that's going to be good in the long term. hate to imagine that my results will just be getting worse and i will still be okay with it. so scary huh. I must do something about it. but then again, i'm trying to make myself feel depressed over lousy results and then cry over split milk. would that do me good? i really don't know. all i know is that i want to do well and make my parents proud of me.

i know i've said this umpteen times but i just feel so so blessed to have such an awesome family. i was hesitating so much about going to cairns but my parents and sis were like so supportive of me to go despite of the high costs. i know they just want me to enjoy myself. and my laptop crashed on me last week and they were encouraging me to get a new lappy asap and mum said "make sure u get a good one, its okay if its more expensive". awww things like this really make me feel so touched. and because mum's coming to melb soon, my family have prepared lots of stuff to bring over for me (clothes, food and whatever not). i saw stuff on the blogshop that i wanted to buy and i told jie and she bought it for me so quickly. Jie's bringing me to bangkok for a shopping spree in dec when i'm back for holidays. i really have the best sister. love her ttm <3 <3 <3
i feel like my family always putting me in top priority, and i'm like not doing my part for the family. to them, i just have to study hard (but they are definitely not stressing me out, cause mummy says i just have to pass cause she knows its tough) and do my best. and here i am, not even doing well enough to meet my expectations. i'm just so disappointed in myself.

sigh i feel like blogging about him, but yea i think this post is emo enough and somehow now, 'he' doesn't seem that important as compared to other more important things like my family. i shouldn't be worrying about that too much right?

week 7 of uni

my first full upper denture:

(photo is not focused =/)

jie says the gums look high. loll it wouldn't look high in a patient's mouth and it will provide lip support as well.
it was difficult to start a denture from scratch. have to set up the teeth and create the "feel" of a real dentition. though its not perfect, i guess its something for me to be proud of :) and i feel kind of relieved that this full denture thing is over. next up is partial denture!

yea btw i got my test results back. ahhh quite disappointed, but i'll be contented with it. after all, what's more important than to be contented with life?

life's never perfect, right?

ahhh (again), i can't believe i missed a good opportunity this afternoon. nothing too serious, but it could have changed my life.

time to study, study, study!

week 6 of uni

ended clinic at 5 sharp, surprisingly. it was total craziness cause i had to rush out a restoration on tooth 28 for my patient (and i had to take 2 radiographs as well). and that tooth was damn difficult to work on. hard to access with the handpieces, can't see cause its right at the back, plus lots of saliva pooling over that area. it was my first occlusal restoration on a real patient and i wanted to do it properly. but, it was just so tough. my demonstrator was really encouraging though i bet she could tell that i was disoriented. but i guess the final result was alright after all that struggling. i'll improve with experience, i hope (:

(oh and i did my first LA injection on a real patient as well! wheee. okay i know this is lame, but its a historic moment for me right??)

i was having lunch with my 2 closest dental friends this afternoon and we were saying how stress makes us super grumpy. and we are particularly grumpy towards our parents. like when we talk to them over the phone, we'll just sound very pissed even though they didn't piss us off. we just can't help it.. it just comes out of us like that (if u get what i mean). this is so sad :( i really need to learn how to control my emotions better and stop being so self-centred.