:'( and :')

still trying to get over what happened. and i'm so dreading this week, esp tomorrow. Lord, please give me strength to overcome my fears.

i've been thinking way too much, feeling upset about stuff that i should have already gotten over. but u know how there's just some triggers (e.g. people around u) which remind u of unhappy stuff (but of course they don't do it intentionally) which just pulls u back down to where u started off.

anyways kind of relieved that OSCE was over yesterday. holidays have started, but not on a good note, and definitely not the way i want it to start. i keep reminding myself that God've made plans for me, and i should accept them and make the most out of what i'm going through.

so the consequence of thinking too much, is waking up at 6am on the first day of my holiday (after sleeping past 2am the night before). been sleep-deficient the previous nights. i wonder how my mind even have the energy to think about stuff. and crying the moment u wake up isn't a good start to the day. i thought tomorrow is always a better day?

didn't join the rest for post-exam dinner yesterday (didn't want people to sense that i was unhappy), but instead, had dinner with su and joseph (my favourite couple). hanging out with them kind of cheered me up a little. they are just so reassuring. like when they tell u not to think about it, u will really be kind of convinced to not think about it (though its not a lasting effect but at least it works for a while). so glad to have them around. on a side note, su showed me this korean singer that totally made my day and she sent me some pic of me and him side-by-side that she put tgt. awww she's too sweet :)

and my other awesome friends - mitch, yt, jm and parmesh, thanks for showing concern/trying to make me feel better. 

mum has been praying esp hard for me this period and i know my family gives me the utmost moral support. appreciate all that they have done :')

for now, i'll stay strong :')

once again,

it's swot vac and it's time to hardcore study.
(wait, i can't believe its like the end of year 4 sem 1. which is so damn fast. feels like it was just after cny when i flew back to melb).

this sem was not very smooth-sailing (yea i realised how i've described every sem as bad). screwed up during clinics + patients not turning up when i really desperately need them to turn up, being very disorganised and bad with time management, and being distracted with (good/bad) stuff. etc etc etc.

nevertheless, i thank God for all that have happened and all his plans for me :)

on a side note, thanks to someone who delivered breakfast to me this morning. made my day :)

for now, just concentrate on studying. other things can/should wait.


I CAN DO THIS.

down :(

hate it whenever i have to post something with the title containing ':('

but i guess i don't have choice cause i'm really feeling down.

 

did my first extractions of 2 retained roots and suture (!!!) today, but somehow, i don't feel happy/excited. 

cause maybe i fumbled quite a bit and didn't get things right the first time.

and i'm worried about getting a suitable pt for my case pres. and getting an endo pt. most prob i can't complete an endo case this sem. just because i wasted time on a particular pt who couldn't be bothered to come. so damn annoyed with her. 

so many things to worry about. sigh. this is just life, isn't it?

talking to mitch kind of makes me feel happy, but then again, we talk for hours over the phone. hours that can be spent on studying, talking to my family (which i feel bad for not calling them sometimes) and doing other useful stuff like exercising. lol but seriously and honestly, i wouldn't exactly see it as a waste of time. i'm glad that i've got a good guy friend whom i can tell him anything under the sun.

should i follow his advice about what i should do next? idk. =( 

i'm just such a confused person. being my friends can be a really tiring thing. thanks friends for being there for me :)

 

on a saturday morning,

i'm feeling good,

cause I skyped with my family for 3+ hours last night (cause i couldn't sleep!) and I didn't have to set my alarm and able to wake up naturally this morning, knowing that the past four weeks of intensive period are finally over (or more imptly the endo test is over, but fyi i didn't do as well as i wanted, cause i managed my time really poorly).

nothing much to worry at the moment, though some of my patients are giving me a bit of headache in terms of planning their treatment (and praying hard that i can get a pt booked in next week morning session).

planning my holidays during winter (80% chances that i'm not going back to sg then - haha this keeps changing though). its kind of my last winter to travel around since 5th year winter is going to be filled with rotations and other stuff.

:)

=x

i couldn't sleep last night, cause i was sick (yes how ironic, since its the time that i need rest the most), or rather i fell asleep while playing games on my iPhone at 9pm and then i woke up at 12midnight. and then i couldn't sleep anymore. it was so torturing. and so i called my sis and we spoke over the phone for nearly 1 hr (1 hour only, cause she was tired).. and i was nearly wide awake till 5am. and i had my alarm set at 7am, just because i wanted to pre-read my stuff for my endo pre clinic which starts at 9am.
became excited about my sis's trip to melb in april during easter, after talking to her on the phone. there's so many food places that i want to bring her too. i admit, i'm a foodie.

endo preclinic was not that good. cause of our demonstrator who was so critical of everything. yes i know being critical is good thing, cause we will aim to meet the higher standards.. yes yes, its all for our own good, and i accept that, and i'm learning to accept criticism. but the thing is, it really puts your morale down and excuse me, i'm only doing root canal on the second tooth in my whole life. give me a break.
and the fact that different demos have different way of doing things so they give u comments which are like contradicting each other. and we can't argue and tell the demo that "the other demo said that.." cause sometimes they will mark u down. so annoying.

sigh, life's not easy :( but i'm trying to accept things as they are, and stop whining about every single thing that i can whine about.

=D

back to uni.

super busy. =S
and it's only the 4th day of the semester and it feels like 4 weeks have passed. i'm serious.
9 am - 5pm every single day, sometimes my day ends at 6.30. and my first emergency duty is next tues (will be in the hospital till 9.30pm).
so many preclinicals, clinicals, lectures and admin stuff to do. have to book patients in for appts, check if appointments are cancelled, and call patients to remind them to come for their appts etc. omg really. i feel like a receptionist. but thank God that things are working out (even though it takes a lot of effort, its worth it)!

but, i slack a lot when i'm home, cause i'm too lazy/tired to do anything after a long day. so many lectures to catch up on =x

week 4 of uni

wow its week 4 already. been slacking so much that i really wonder if i did any concrete studying during the past 3 weeks of uni. and i guess the answer is no, sadly.

and i really shouldn't be updating my blog now since i have to prepare for my perio presentation tmr =/ i have to read and familiarize myself with the 16 pages of content that su and i have written. i foresee myself dozing off in front of my lappy soon. ya i seriously don't know why i've been so tired these few weeks =( i sleep more than usual. i blame the weather.

awww mummy's coming on the 31st and i can somehow sense her excitement about coming to melb. she kept asking what i want her to cook when she's here. so sweet right (i love my mummy ttm!)

and yes, i found a part-time (or rather, casual) job. teehee. i went for training last week and i felt a bit stressed by the job cause its fast-moving environment but the people are nice and i really hope i would be able to work with my friend (she's really awesome). i just checked the roster for this week and guess what, i'm only working 2 hours this week. LOLL, i want to work at least 4 hours! but i really don't dare to negotiate with the supervisor cause i'm a newbie. and i think i need to work more often to get used to the job. but ya, maybe it's also good that i have more time for my work (that's provided i really make use of my remaining time to study).

Ahhh i can't decide if i should go cairns with my dent friends during the mid-sem break in sept! the whole trip will cost about A$800 to A$1000 depending on the activities that we'll be doing. i think i might just snorkel/dive etc. definitely not sky-diving. totally not mentally prepared for it. i thought if i'll be working more often then chances of me going is pretty high. but looking at my working hours now, i think i should carefully consider going to cairns.
i know i eventually want to visit cairns and probably sky-dive, maybe when the flight is cheaper or something? i really don't know!! =//

i skyped with pam yesterday and i really miss her company here in melb. i really hope she'll be back in melb to visit soon!

22ND BIRTHDAY :D

had a lovely birthday :DDD

i should have posted about my birthday earlier cause now i'm really very lazy to do a proper post on it.

yea basically, my friends gave me a surprise (thanks to my dearest su and parmesh who tricked me) the day before my birthday. i have to admit that i didn't suspect anything until just before the surprise. cause the girls said they were going to celebrate my birthday on the actual day and so i didn't thought it would be the day before. love the surprise party (with good food!), presents, cards etc. for those who gave me personal presents/cards, i really appreciate your thoughts. u guys are just so sweet <3

skyped with my family for like 3+ hours on my birthday and i definitely felt the love from them. :DD

was telling parmesh/su that i don't really feel like celebrating my bday (esp now that i'm not young anymore), maybe just with closer friends (like a mini celebration). its more personal and it makes me feel more comfortable/less awkward (if u know what i mean). but yeaa just want to say a BIG THANKS to those around me, making me feel loved and cherished! xx

my 22nd birthday resolution:


THANK GOD for making my life so amazing. :DDD

holidays #6 - say hello to year 3 sem 2

before i forget,
here's the bread and butter pudding that i made. first attempt at making and it was really quite a success. loll doesn't look that appetizing tho.


what it looks like inside:



had a crazy last day of holiday today. long story and i'm simply too lazy to get into the details. but yea, just a lot of rushing from places to places after church with some crazy friends. loll.

jasmine arrived in melb today and i got my stuff (including the loupes that i ordered) from her. big thanks to her for helping me to bring over some stuff from sg).




yes this thing called loupes is freaking expensive (S$1,700) but it is also because i got the 'branded' one and with the Oakley frame. HAI. but my rationale is that i'm going to use it throughout my course+career (hopefully) so i guess its worth it to get the more expensive one.
i'm going to try to start using the loupes on my patients within these few weeks and see how it goes.

i've been trying to read up on rem pros notes since last monday and its really a TORTURE. studying during holidays never work out (at least, for me).
tomorrow i'll just be taking history + oral exam + impression for my rem pros patient so i won't need that much of new technical knowledge. haven't met this patient before but he sounds okay (rather friendly) on the phone. mr xx, pleaseee be nice to me.

timetable this sem is really slack (but the subjects are definitely not easy). loll i actually have my thurs off officially. BUT, i kind of have to assist parmesh in her clinical session though its definitely not a must. sighh, how awesome it is to get a day off but oh wells, i'll just take it as an opportunity to learn from my peers.

haven't got back all our results and i'm getting very scared. but yea, i always believe that God has a plan for us and i'll accept whatever He gives to me :)

holidays #5 - one more week of hols

omg just one more week to uni reopening. SIGH.

felt like i haven't slacked enough. i've got lots of things - big/small; important/unimportant; urgent/not urgent - to do and i'm trying to do them diligently one step at a time.

i've been watching city hunter (already caught up with what's showing in korea now and waiting for this week's episodes to be uploaded). loll i've been really desperate for internet cause i've been using too much that its running low and so i had to use my iphone to watch and head over to friends' houses to watch. this is really bad i know.

there's more dramas that i want to watch but i highly doubt that there's time and internet allowance for me to do so :( kind of abandoned my taiwanese variety shows for kdramas this holiday. kdramas are really really addictive.

besides watching dramas diligently, i've been cleaning my apt and doing laundry almost every day. don't ask me why, but housework and laundry seems never-ending or maybe cause i feel like i've got time, so i decided to maintain the cleanliness of my apt which is not exactly that necessary. just see how i survived through the past sem with once-every-two weeks of thorough housework and the place still seemed reasonably clean.

i should really get down to doing some more serious/important/meaningful stuff. like, revising prosthodontics (in exactly a week's time, i'll have to start my pros treatment for my pt), calling all my patients to arrange for appts/reviews etc, check out the books that i'll need for the coming sem (which i might have to go to lib at uni - it just sucks to go back to uni during holidays =/ ), EXERCISING, meeting up with friends that i'm supposed to meet up during the hols, looking for a part-time job (getting so lazy to do so) ETC ETC.

lazy ttm.

holidays #4 - food is love

i made baked eggs this morning for brunch :) really easy to make and its yum!
:) i added tomatoes and cheese below the eggs.


this was the baked oreo cheesecake that we made at maria's place yesterday. i somewhat prefer the non-baked one.


some random dish that i created. stir-fried beef (with prawns and broccoli) in wonton skin


next up will be bread and butter pudding this weekend (hopefully i really get down to doing it).

holidays #3 - secret garden :)

i've finished watching secret garden yesterday! awwww, hyun bin is sweet ttm. i liked him in other shows but he is just so cute in this show! :) hahaha.
started watching city hunter (another k drama) and i'm not yet addicted to it, probably cause the cast is not that attractive (loll), except maybe lee min ho.
have to start pacing myself or else i'll have no more internet left when uni starts. =/

i feel so lazy and comfortable lying on my bed, staring at my laptop, finding websites to surf and watching dramas. i kind of like this kind of lifestyle (staying at home and not going out). holidays ftw! :)

tomorrow i'll be hanging out at maria's house where we'll be baking :) i should really be disciplined and stop indulging in food (finished a whole tray of white choco tim tams in an hour yesterday. ohgosh.) but its uncontrollable and i swear i really feel hungry sometimes.

friday night i'll be watching fireworks at docklands (some winter event that only takes place during july) with su and tricia. i'm trying to curb my urge to go out and shop cause i think i've shopped enough and its really time to save money =/

i'm quite happy with my life now :)

almost there but not there yet

med paper was erm.. okay.
BUT, it was a choose-5-out-of-8 essay questions kind of paper. and i sort of had a (very) difficult time choosing my 5th question to do. and guess what. i think i made the wrong choice. cause halfway through, i felt as if i was a bit bullshitting along. hopefully the lecturer is lenient and thinks that i make some sense. and i really really pray that my other 4 questions can make it.

next paper (and FINAL ONE (FINALLY)!) is this friday. pathology part II.

i've been updating about my exam papers and it sounds like i'm taking so many subjects right. but actually everything adds up to 100% (they call it Oral Health Sciences 3 to put it really nicely from their point of view) even though each of them are different subjects. med, path and pharm. all are crazily hardcore subjects (we study like shit for each and every one of them) but they are only worth 30%, 30% and 40%. so not worth it. seriouslyy.
its not like we can put in 30% or 40% of effort for each of them.

this friday's paper is worth 18% of OSH 3. sounds little but still have to chiong if i don't want to screw the whole OHS grade up.
(but i'm taking a break tonight first. really need a rest la)

this morning was just so stressful. that's why i don't like afternoon papers. u feel like u have to study once through again in the morning cause u don't want to be slacking away just before your paper. and i barely finished my 2nd round of revision at 1pm and my paper starts at 2pm.

after dinner, i went over to pam's place to borrow a plaster cause i cut my finger yet again. and we chatted for pretty long (what we always do whenever we go over to each other's unit). her last paper is this wed, then she's headed to cairns and then back to melb for a few days before heading back to sg for good.
sigh. i'll miss her so badly.
i rely so much on her. i'm just so scared that i'll feel lost next sem without her around.

yesterday when i was cramming for med, i remembered that it was tw's golden melody awards on saturday so i went to check who won what. and ya, jay chou won two big awards. good on him. haha. i'm seriously weird. stressing over my exams and at the same time can be bothered over such things. but these are good distractions, aren't they.

last paper, go go go!

last day of year 3 sem 1

okay, not officially halfway through the course cause there's still exams, but we are nearly there right? :)

many of my friends have already embarked on their grad trip and i'm really happy for them that they have graduated. not feeling sour that i still have such a long way to go (actually not that long cause time will fly) cause i'm really enjoying what i'm studying and i'm glad i made it this far already. Praise God for everything :)

coming up is swot vac (study break). dreading it totally :( been so slack this sem.. didn't make much notes as compared to previous semesters (cause i think the lecture notes are kind of sufficient?). yea but still, i feel kind of inadequate. have to admit that i'm not as driven as before. :(

hopefully i won't do too badly this sem. seriously, who doesn't want to do well?

HAPPY CNY!

HAPPY CNY EVERYBODY! may all of us have an awesome year ahead!

i have so many things to update on this blog.. after all, my two months summer hols is ending real soon (flying back earlier than planned) and i'm glad to say that my hols have been very fufilling because i managed to accomplish everything i wanted/planned to do. cheers :)

my hols started on a good note with a temp job that i (was pretty lucky) found online. working in a hotel was definitely a pleasant experience. nice colleagues and bosses, meals provided, lots of freedom, managable work. and the best thing was that they were comfortable with me working for 1 month, which meant that i could just spend my other month doing things that i want to do.

and so, my second month was about attachment with NUS dentistry (it was rewarding!), hong kong trip, more meet-up sessions with friends, spring cleaning, bringing Jin (korean friend) around Sg etccc.

hong kong trip was AWESOME to the max! love the fact that i was travelling with my sis and everything was well-planned. =D yes, we just ate, shopped, ate, shopped ... ...

meet-up sessions were kind of difficult to plan, cause everyone's so busy with uni/internships/preparation for exchange.. thanks friends for accomodating my schedule! at least we managed to catch up on quite a bit of stuff!

Jin was in Singapore for the past 5 days and bringing him around was such a torture. hahaa no la, not because of him, but rather, the super bad weather (!!!) and the lack of places to bring him around. but at least now there's RWS/USS and MBS in Sg. But Jin's just amazing. he eats everything and anything, tries to fit into the sg culture, agrees with any plans that we have for him, and does not complain about anything. =D yes, a super guai tourist (except for the fact that he keeps imitating me)!

CNY was pretty normal this year. haha the same questions, as usual, "which year are u in uni?",
"how many more years before you grad?", "when are u going back to Melb?", "How's uni?" blah blah blah.
having a bad cough now so i can't really indulge in all the cny goodies. booo, i want my bak kwa and pineapple tarts. had to see a doc just now to get stronger antibiotics. 24-hour doctors are suckers - $75 for consultation and medication.

good news and bad news.
good news first, THANK GOD that i'm managed to change my flight back to melb to the 5th of feb! so i won't be missing my 9am preclinics on the first day of sch. PHEW.

bad news, i'm not prepared (emotionally and physically) to go back earlier. just started to sink into the CNY mood and i haven't started packing. i have loads of stuff to bring back.
I need to arrange a new appt for the collection of keys for my new apartment and the connection of my utitilies. and i'm in the process of getting all these done. pray that everything will go smoothly.

this sem's timetable is simply crazy.
8am-5pm. starting clinics this sem. pray for nice and good patients. (:

bye singapore again - not sure when i'm flying back the next time, most probably end of the year? whatever it is, see u guys then! =D

love,
leona