#wornout

in less than a month, i'll be done with my dental studies (if i pass).
5 years gone, just like that.

tired of so so many things other than studying. yep as if studying is not enough to tire me out.

saw this in a friend's blog and it describes how i feel now:
"disappointment - when it turns out you were wrong about people around you and what you had wasn't what you thought it was".

God, please give me strength.

hello,

okay this is like probably the longest interval in recent years that i haven't updated this space. i swear there's multiple occasions when i signed onto this account with the intention of wanting to update stuff but just didn't manage to start/complete a post. i guess i've been really busy and caught up with so much stuff that i feel that i can hardly breathe sometimes.

exams have ended and i've completed my 4th year (hopefully, since results arent out yet). i'm worried about my overall results even though i think this time's written exam is pretty manageable, mainly because of the many other components that i didn't manage to do as well as i should. but oh wells, i've tried my best i suppose and i'm leaving everything to God :)
4th year 2nd sem is supposedly the most difficult semester ever in the dental course so i'm thankful to God that He has pulled me through this whole year.

somehow i'm already getting scared about next year (omg, final year), knowing how stressful it can be towards the end of the year. so many things to worry/stress about and its just daunting :( and time just passes so fast that i can hardly catch up with it. like i can't believe its going to be Dec next week. damn fast.

i've been really easily annoyed and impatient recently. i'm just upset at the way i treat others and taking people and things for granted. :(
i'm going to lakes entrance after my dad goes back to sg. hopefully it'll take things off my mind a little and i hope i don't miss my dad too much (it shouldn't be that bad i hope, since i'm headed home in 2 weeks time). what i feel super sian is that i have 3 clinical sessions the following week. k was saying that we should just enjoy our short getaway tgt but then again, its so difficult to not think/worry about clinical stuff since i'm having clinics when i come back from this road trip. i really pray hard that everything goes well with the issuance of denture and splint. and more importantly, my patients being able to attend the sessions.

life's quite sad in the sense that there's like no end to worrying. after something's done, we have something else to think/worry about. or maybe its just me, who always thinks further ahead and finds stuff to worry about. idk.

God is so amazing :D

really thank God for showering so much love on me :)

jiayou

note to self:

what a tiring/eventful week

i have been dreading thurs so much because of endo clinic. i felt so stressed that i can't finish this endo case of mine which have been dragging since forever (like last sem). got mum to pray for me (and of course myself praying really hard) that this Thurs is it. AND THANK GOD THAT I COMPLETED IT THIS THURS. like finally finally. i admit that i gave up since many endo sessions ago cause its just so hard, and it just seems like i'm not fated to find those root canals. and i just wanted my demo to help me with it and get me through this. doesn't matter if she does the obturation with me just assisting and not doing it myself, i.just.want.to.end.this (okay i think my attitude sounds really bad).

and i really really admire my patient for all his patience and compliance. imagine sitting on the chair for 3 hours x many sessions and not having any progress. he's the best patient EVER. 

its so hard to get the best of both worlds. like to get predictable and not-so-difficult cases and at the same time nice patients. now that i finished this case,  i need to get a new patient whom i really pray hard that is nice and whose root canal tx is manageable by me. i can't afford to waste/miss any more sessions or i'll be struggling to complete my requirements by the end of the year. 

fixed pros session is so much better (but i shall not say it too soon).

yep, so this week is busy also because i've been spending time with k (almost everyday) cause he's going hk and back home for the next two weeks. starting to miss him.

just listened to quite a number of lecture recordings. got to read a pile of notes and digest them. next week i've got exo and oral surgery rotations, research and lab work to do (on top of my usual lectures/clinics). busy busy.

1st month :)

woke up this morning after having a nightmare about me not answering two whole osce questions. it was scary cause it felt really real. i don't know why, but i've been kind of stressed the last week (yes, stressed during my holidays). i blame it on my GP clinical exam which is coming up soon at the end of august. still finding a suitable pt for my exam (which is considered last minute) and i really pray hard that this pt that i'm going to screen at the end of July is going to be a suitable one.

it seems like time passed really fast since i came back from my new zealand trip. and i seriously can't sort of recall what i have been doing since i came back. and its like only a week more of holidays before sem 2 (the scariest sem in the whole dental course) starts. time to get some work done, i suppose. but its the holidays :(

k's been really encouraging and spending time with him makes me feel less stressed (or maybe even more, since he's smart and knows his stuff whereas its the opposite for me :( ). and the one month (like what he said), passed really fast for us.
my family's reaction is really funny when i broke the news to them. and my mum's just so nice and understanding towards everything. she's the most awesome mum. love her ttm!

and i really don't know what to do at the end of the year (to go or not to go) :( but i know God has plans for me.
so leona, just breathe in and out, and trust in the Lord :)

:)

back to being a happy me. thank God for putting me through all that has happened. i supposed i've learnt stuff and have become a stronger person?

anyways i wanted to blog about a lot of stuff after last weds but i ended up procrastinating all the way till today.

sydney trip was a short retreat for me, but well, its still a good break. bad weather but good company, so i won't complain.

and yesterday (13th june) was the day :)

:'( and :')

still trying to get over what happened. and i'm so dreading this week, esp tomorrow. Lord, please give me strength to overcome my fears.

i've been thinking way too much, feeling upset about stuff that i should have already gotten over. but u know how there's just some triggers (e.g. people around u) which remind u of unhappy stuff (but of course they don't do it intentionally) which just pulls u back down to where u started off.

anyways kind of relieved that OSCE was over yesterday. holidays have started, but not on a good note, and definitely not the way i want it to start. i keep reminding myself that God've made plans for me, and i should accept them and make the most out of what i'm going through.

so the consequence of thinking too much, is waking up at 6am on the first day of my holiday (after sleeping past 2am the night before). been sleep-deficient the previous nights. i wonder how my mind even have the energy to think about stuff. and crying the moment u wake up isn't a good start to the day. i thought tomorrow is always a better day?

didn't join the rest for post-exam dinner yesterday (didn't want people to sense that i was unhappy), but instead, had dinner with su and joseph (my favourite couple). hanging out with them kind of cheered me up a little. they are just so reassuring. like when they tell u not to think about it, u will really be kind of convinced to not think about it (though its not a lasting effect but at least it works for a while). so glad to have them around. on a side note, su showed me this korean singer that totally made my day and she sent me some pic of me and him side-by-side that she put tgt. awww she's too sweet :)

and my other awesome friends - mitch, yt, jm and parmesh, thanks for showing concern/trying to make me feel better. 

mum has been praying esp hard for me this period and i know my family gives me the utmost moral support. appreciate all that they have done :')

for now, i'll stay strong :')

:'(

my heart sank.

:( stressed,

but i know i shouldn't be complaining cause i'm not the only one who is in this situation.
it's just part of life, isn't it.
i get frustrated when i can't remember the stuff that i have memorised. after all, its 9 subjects that i'm studying for monday's osce. there are 9 days in swot vac so it's perpetually studying 1 subject a day. but i'm just pushing on, even though i know my brain is saturated already.



"Humble yourselves before the Lord and he'll lift you up."
James 4:10

once again,

it's swot vac and it's time to hardcore study.
(wait, i can't believe its like the end of year 4 sem 1. which is so damn fast. feels like it was just after cny when i flew back to melb).

this sem was not very smooth-sailing (yea i realised how i've described every sem as bad). screwed up during clinics + patients not turning up when i really desperately need them to turn up, being very disorganised and bad with time management, and being distracted with (good/bad) stuff. etc etc etc.

nevertheless, i thank God for all that have happened and all his plans for me :)

on a side note, thanks to someone who delivered breakfast to me this morning. made my day :)

for now, just concentrate on studying. other things can/should wait.


I CAN DO THIS.

:")

Praise the Lord :)

happy mummy's day :D

<3 u always :)

confused

yesterday it happened. i feel pissed for some reason even though it should be something that i feel happy or excited about.
i was complaining to mitch whatever happened and i think he thinks that i'm at fault.
anyway, he was quite discouraging about the whole thing since it started.

i feel that recently i've been complaining too much about stuff that are not meant to be complained about.

argh. i'm just annoyed at how things have become and at myself.

pray

down :(

hate it whenever i have to post something with the title containing ':('

but i guess i don't have choice cause i'm really feeling down.

 

did my first extractions of 2 retained roots and suture (!!!) today, but somehow, i don't feel happy/excited. 

cause maybe i fumbled quite a bit and didn't get things right the first time.

and i'm worried about getting a suitable pt for my case pres. and getting an endo pt. most prob i can't complete an endo case this sem. just because i wasted time on a particular pt who couldn't be bothered to come. so damn annoyed with her. 

so many things to worry about. sigh. this is just life, isn't it?

talking to mitch kind of makes me feel happy, but then again, we talk for hours over the phone. hours that can be spent on studying, talking to my family (which i feel bad for not calling them sometimes) and doing other useful stuff like exercising. lol but seriously and honestly, i wouldn't exactly see it as a waste of time. i'm glad that i've got a good guy friend whom i can tell him anything under the sun.

should i follow his advice about what i should do next? idk. =( 

i'm just such a confused person. being my friends can be a really tiring thing. thanks friends for being there for me :)

 

damn tired

feeling so tired and dizzy after a 9am-9.30pm day. yes, i had perio clinic in the morning, gp clinic in the afternoon and emergency duty at night. had like 5 mins for dinner? =( felt like i was the one needing emergency tx in the emergency clinic.

and guess what, i have endo clinic tmr afternoon.

love u jie :)

had an awesome time during easter hol with my sis in melb :)

now its time to get back to work and not be distracted.

:)

i think i made the right decision?
thanks to whoever who encouraged me to do it :)

wasn't that bad/hard after all :D

=/

i'm pissed and scared (which kinds of contradict, but that's really how i'm feeling).

i so need to calm down, right now.