:(((

lots and lots of things running through my mind now, as usual. the feeling really really sucks. having lots of mixed feelings too.

i really miss my life back in singapore so badly. had so much fun in sch whether its in jc or in nus. in jc, i didn't mug during weekdays cause either i watched tv the whole day or had cca till night. i could just sleep anytime i want (often on the sofa while waiting for the next show to start cause cable tv channel 55 always have that 15 mins break between shows that u cannot do anything constructive but just wait for the next show to start so i always end up sleeping without brushing my teeth [oops] and my mummy will have to drag me to my nice cosy bed and tug me to sleep (awwww)). and i'll wake up in the morning and carry the same stuff that i carried to sch the previous day [ my file was always exploding cause i didn't file any worksheets. lol. ] and saturday was rushing-the whole-week-of-tutorial day for me. i'll be a nice girl sometimes and wake up early on saturday to accompany my mum to the market. and and..sunday was FAMILY day [ i miss having breakfast almost every other sunday - the damn delicious wanton mee at the coffeeshop in siglap (oppo haig girls sec) with my dad and sis and then fetch my mum from church after that]. we often have to wait for like an hour for that reasonably-sized bowl of wonton mee but we didn't mind the waiting though we always wonder why its always taking so long despite the fact that its not that difficult to prepare.] we'll also go to the club [seletar country club where i will gym away all the sinful meals i had during the week or raffles town club where we will have nice dinner (: ]. if not, quite often we'll go try some other nice eating place that my dad recommends, like claypot rice at clementi, food at changi airport cause he has discount etc etc. AND i miss the ever so sinful buffet meals that we have quite frequently. i'm dying to eat grand corpthorne's cafe brio's buffet. i wonder what's the cuisine they r serving now :(. my parents love bringing us out and they will always tell me not to study so hard [though i feel that i didn't study that hard to deserve all the outings]. i love my daddy and mummy for that (: my dad especially likes to ask us to watch tv with him - his F1 races, japan hour, discovery channel etc. and recently (as in when i was still in sg], he kept watching my ch 55 hk dramas and sometimes the taiwan shows (which he claims is lame but he watches it TOO. oh well. lol] in the early morning. so when i watch, he'll say he watched it before and he can tell me the sypnosis. ahh my dad's so cute (: oh and i simply don't understand why i keep watching the repeats for the same show even though the episodes aren't that fantantic. its such a waste of time but i enjoyed it so much.
i love hanging around in sch (nj)... slacking during breaks and talking crap and eating whenever we r at the canteen [desserts and bao. lol]. its not that we have nothing to do, we just love to slack. and CO was so enjoyable even though the practices were frequent and tiring and our section always got niao by the conductors and mr lee. after cca would be dinner at curry wok or kap. and we'll stay till around 10plus before we'll leave for home. my parents nv ever blame me for going home late. my dad or jie will sometimes fetch me after dinner or if i take the bus, my mum will ask me to call her when i'm reaching so she'll fetch me from the bus stop. ouch i miss my family like crazy.

ok i feel weird pouring everything out here...i honestly don't like to write about my life in detailed cause my blog is not private. but somehow, for some emo-ish reason, i have an urge to do it. hopefully it'll help me feel better though i think i'll flood my room with my tears in no time.

yes (and finally the main point) i really feel like my life's so different here. and i'm not adapting and managing my life here well. i'm not coping well with sch work especially. its so depressing that i've been consistently studying so hard, just to get some shit grades. i hate to compare with others cause i've been telling myself that i've tried my best and nothing else should matter so much. and comparing will only make me feel worse. but its seriously tough especially with the singaporeans around. they make me feel worse cause they have that singaporean mentality (if u know what it is) that is always influencing me to think like them. it gets quite annoying. how ironic that the singaporeans r the ones who upsets me. somebody please save me.

i wouldn't say i regret coming here cause after all its my choice and i know i want dentistry. i expected some not-so-smooth-sailing life over here but now that i'm experiencing it, i feel that reality has striked me. and its just hard to deal with it even if u r expecting it.

i skyped with my lao gong last night till 3am and she made me smiled. i couldn't bear to cry in front of her cause she looked so happy now that her exams ended. and i'm really happy for her.

i'm taking a break tonight. i'll pray hard that things will improve for the better. and i'll stop being a baby and keep crying.